All that Remains
by rarmaster
Summary: It's been hardly a week after the conclusion of Dead Inside, and the road to recovery is a long one. Namine won't stop having nightmares. Riku continues to struggle with inner demons. Sora's got a whole mess of problems, between his parents, and the memory of his Shadow... Plus, Xehanort's supposed to come back, and is anyone really prepared for that? - F t P verse book 5.
1. Chapter 1

**AN/ **Hello! Rar here, as always, and welcome to book 5 of the FtPverse series. I'm just gonna be blunt here and say if you haven't read the rest, you probably shouldn't be here. Of course I can't stop you from diving right in! If you want to, go on, be my guest! I actually pride myself with knowing I was able to recap/recount the most important bits of previous books in this one, so all the information you need should be presented! (I guess that's also helpful if you've forgotten what happened in Dead Inside, yeah?)_  
><em>

This chapter (and every following one) will obviously have a blog post/chapter commentary over on the FtPverse blog (on blogspot), and there will be various posts on my personal tumblr and the FtPverse tumblr about the entire book, as always. You already know this, unless you're new to the series. Don't fret about not knowing where to go: There's a link on my profile to the FtPverse blogspot, and it'll have links to all relevant tumblr posts/tags for each chapter.

Thirdly, I'm going to warn you up front this is going to be exactly 21 chapters, and then it'll be dropped for a bit while I rewrite Nothing's Fair. I wouldn't worry too much about that, though, seeing as I already have _started _the Nothing's Fair rewrite, and hopefully shouldn't take too long to finish it, even if I stop to do NanoWrimo in November.  
>Trust me, you're not the only one a little miffed by the situation - I want to keep writing book 5, er, All that Remains, too, but I know if I don't stop to redo Nothing's Fair, Nothing's Fair will never get redone. So... My choice was a little obvious.<p>

Anyway, that's it! Expect shorter author's notes in the future, enjoy, etc.

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><p><strong>Part 1<strong>

**_Revenge_**

* * *

><p>It was less a set of images, and more a set of feelings and barely grasped sounds that plagued Namine's nightmares. That didn't mean she didn't recognize what was going on. She'd had this nightmare before.<p>

_The sense of darkness filling the room, grating against her skin…_

_The feeling of something being very, very wrong…_

_Horror._

_A sense of throwing herself forward—was that a blast of darkness she was stopping? A bolt of lightning? She couldn't tell._

_Riku's face was always the clearest. Grinning widely, but the grin wasn't his. His lips never curled like that. His eyes never glinted with that sort of malice. _

_Larxene was always there, too. Laughing? Screaming? Namine could never tell._

_"Don't struggle. It'll only make things worse."_

_Larxene's words. Riku's voice._

Namine woke up screaming.

It wasn't a surprise to find herself on the floor in Kairi's room, but it wasn't exactly a comfort either. They'd fallen asleep here last night—all four of them. Her, Riku, Sora and Kairi. She and Riku had come to tell Sora and Kairi that they intended to move to Hollow Bastion. Somewhere during the conversation they got wrapped up in telling each other what they'd all been doing for the past six or so months. The conversation took so long that the obvious answer was just to spend the night. She and Riku didn't normally need nearly as much sleep as Sora and Kairi did, being Replicas, but they were just as exhausted that night, so sleep came easy.

Riku was the first to be woken by Namine's scream—that didn't come as a surprise either. Namine found herself jolting away from him when he reached to comfort her. The image of darkness pouring from his fingertips still burned in her mind. The sound of someone shrieking. The sound of his laughter. She could almost still see the horrible smile on his face, despite the fact his features were all pinched with concern.

"N… Namine?" Sora asked, sitting up groggily. "Everything okay?"

"Just- just a nightmare," Namine assure him. Assured all of them. Kairi was pushing herself up, too, blinking at the sunlight streaming through cracks of the window curtains. Riku still studied her, looking worried, but he didn't press the matter at least.

"Oh." Sora yawned, rubbing his mouth. "Should we get up, Kai? The sun looks like it's high enough…"

"Wouldn't hurt to get up now," Kairi replied. She rubbed the crust of sleep from her eyes. She studied Namine, too, her mouth turned down in a frown.

"Y'sure you're okay?" Riku asked. He didn't try and comfort her this time. Namine felt relief flood through her, though she felt terrible about it once it had. Riku wasn't _dangerous. _Well… not to her, anyway. She shouldn't be so… terrified…

"I'm fine," she lied.

How was she supposed to tell him—tell any of them—the visions she saw in her sleep? She couldn't think of a way, so she just wouldn't.

Kairi kept sending Namine worried and distrustful looks. Namine shifted uncomfortably, and was _very _grateful when Kairi didn't open her mouth to say anything. Kairi's attention turned to Sora instead. After an initial look of confusion, understanding passed through Sora's face. Namine still wasn't quite sure how they did that. How they communicated with their eyes alone. It must've come from knowing each other for so long.

"Hey Riku!" Sora said, jumping to his feet. "I think Kairi's dad is making pancakes—maybe we should go help."

Riku sent a nervous glance at Namine. She said nothing.

"Well, uh," Riku stammered.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Sora said. He grabbed Riku by the arm and dragged him to his feet. "The girls've gotta get dressed, anyway."

Riku stammered a few more feeble protests, but Sora still succeeded in dragging him out of the room and down the stairs.

"Alright, cut the act and tell me what's up," Kairi said, looking directly at Namine. Namine sunk down where she was sitting, her heart pounding in her chest.

"J- just a nightmare," she mumbled.

"Then tell me what's so horrible about it that's making you look at Riku like that."

Namine's throat seized. Had she really been looking at Riku funny? How funny? Had he noticed? Had she upset him? Scared him? She'd obviously worried him…

"Here." Kairi sat down over on Namine's bed. Namine wasn't exactly surprised by that, considering the bed was closer to where Kairi'd initially been sitting, plus was lower to the ground. It'd initially been just a mattress, dragged up here for when Sora spent the night. When Namine'd moved in, Kairi's father had insisted on getting a bedframe for it.

Namine went over to sit down next to Kairi. She rubbed the palm of her hand with her thumb, looking around the room. It was hardly a comfort to be back here, though she definitely preferred this room much more to the one she'd stayed in at Castle Oblivion. (Anything would be better than Castle Oblivion, actually.)

The room was small, really only meant for one person. Kairi's bed was against the opposite wall, and there was a dresser crammed next to it. The dresser only barely fit, but there was nowhere else to put it. The wall to the left was near completely occupied with the window, and the wall on the right had the door. As it was, you couldn't stand at the dresser without risking having the door hit you from behind when it opened.

There was a dresser at the end of Namine's bed, too, though it was much smaller than Kairi's dresser. Not that Namine minded—Kairi had a lot more clothes than she did. (That was largely Namine'd only been living here six or so months, opposed to Kairi, who'd accumulated clothes over the past 14 years.) A single glance told her that her stash of sketchbooks was still safe, wedged between her bed and her dresser.

"C'mon, Namine," Kairi said, snaring Namine's attention again. "Sora's only gonna be able to distract Riku for so long. You gotta tell me what's up."

Namine shifted uncomfortably.

Kairi looked at her expectantly.

"Well?"

"I- I've been having nightmares," Namine mumbled.

"No duh."

Namine's shoulders hunched, and she stared down at her lap. "Well- they- they've been… been about Riku…"

"So that's why you don't want to tell him?" Kairi's voice softened as she said it, and she shifted closer to Namine. She didn't reach out to comfort Namine, and their skin hardly touched, but there was still something _comforting _about sitting next to Kairi. The solidarity. The familiarity.

"Less… I don't wanna tell him… and more… I don't know how to," Namine said.

Understanding crossed Kairi's features.

"Is he dead in them?" she whispered. "Hurt? Or… you're… _Rewritten _and—"

"NO!" Namine interrupted, horrified. She shuddered at the thought. She'd never even considered having nightmares about being Rewritten—though that had only happened days ago. She'd been trying not to think about it too much. And even then, these other nightmares… they'd been plaguing her for so long that the images played in her eyes almost every time she closed them.

"…then what?" Kairi asked, gently.

Namine swallowed. Her eyes darted to the doorway. She lowered her voice to the quietest whisper.

"He's- he's _terrifying _in them," she explained. "And I see them all the time I've… I've had this nightmare so many times. The same thing every time. He's…" She shook her head. This was hard to pull together—no. Hard to admit. "He's… He's bathed in darkness he's grinning like a maniac and- and he's attacking someone. Always. It- It looks like- like Larxene."

Namine struggled to say the words, despite knowing that the words meant nothing to Kairi. She didn't know Larxene. Didn't know all the things that Larxene had done to Riku. And saying that Riku was _only_ attacking Larxene in her nightmares? That was putting it lightly. The details just made Namine's stomach too queasy to formulate into real words.

She didn't want to tell Kairi how much Riku wanted to make Larxene hurt.

How much this revenge meant to him.

_"Do you think scaring Larxene is a bad idea?" _he'd asked, _ages _ago. _"I've got all this extra power. This extra darkness. I bet I could figure out a way to scare her with it."_

He'd said scare.

He'd meant so much more.

But how was she supposed to tell that to Kairi? She didn't _want _to tell all that to Kairi, didn't want to find the words to explain the situation in its depth. That made it all seem too real. She wasn't ready for that yet. Wasn't ready to consider it happening. Just telling Kairi about the nightmares was hard enough.

"Well… they're just nightmares…" Kairi said slowly. The words made Namine's heart clench in her chest. _If only. _"I… I know they're terrifying, but—"

"I wish. _I wish,_" Namine interrupted. "And- and maybe- maybe they are. But I've got… this feeling… like a dark cloud hanging over my head. Like a storm- a storm just about to break, I—" She sighed. "I don't know…"

Kairi studied her, as if trying to puzzle out the pieces of her thoughts, as if they were etched on her face. "…you don't think he actually…. would…?" she asked, haltingly.

Namine just shrugged, wearily. "I wouldn't put it… past him…"

Kairi looked at her firmly.

"Do you want to keep him from doing it?"

"Y-yes!"

The word caught in Namine's throat.

"Then you should talk to him."

"He's gonna write it off as nightmares!"

"Or maybe not." Kairi's gaze only got firmer. "Who knows? You should tell him."

Namine shifted where she was sitting.

"And tell him… what? That… I don't want him doing it?"

It sounded so simple. Few things had ever scared Namine more.

"_Yes!_" Kairi shouted.

Namine jumped.

"Kairi! Not so loud!" she scolded, quickly. Her eyes darted to the door again. If Riku heard….

"No one's gonna hear us," Kairi laughed.

"You'd be surprised how good Riku's hearing is."

Maybe being able to hear them from all the way downstairs was a _bit _of a stretch, but... better safe than sorry. Especially about this. Though maybe it'd be easier if Riku _did _overhear… Then he'd know without her having to tell him.

Kairi grimaced, but when she spoke it was much softer.

"Okay but you _have _to talk to him about this!"

Namine clutched her hands together, and stared at the floor in front of her. Talking to Riku about this was the last thing she wanted to. She'd tried to once, and he'd blown her off. Dismissed her worries as nothing.

"You don't understand how much this means to him…" she told Kairi. "How much revenge means to him… what she _did _to him…"

"No, I don't," Kairi admitted. Her tone didn't waver. "But I know revenge _isn't the answer—_it can't be."

Namine said nothing.

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

She looked up at Kairi, surprised.

"No!" she protested. "N- No. He'll… he'll get all upset about the fact that I told you before I told him and that it's not me talking to him and—"

Kairi gaped at her. "_So_? That's not- that's… not even…" She shook her head, hard enough to whip her hair around a little. "Why would you even _consider _that? Why would you even…? Namine. It doesn't work like that. Who cares about his feeling so long as we get him to stop?"

_I do, _Namine said, silently. Out loud she said: "He may not take it as well from you."

"_So?_" Kairi repeated.

"I just…"

"Who _will _he take it from?"

Namine shrugged.

"Namine, _please, _you need to talk to him."

"Maybe it is just nightmares…"

"_Namine!_"

Namine clenched her hands into fists. Tried to look Kairi in the eyes.

"I mean- it's not like… I may be overreacting." She stumbled over her words, unfortunately, which made her argument so much less convincing. She swallowed the _I don't know _that formed on her lips after that. That would only put her in a worse position.

"You should still talk to him," Kairi said. She didn't even blink at Namine's protest.

"Even if it won't happen?"

"Better safe than sorry."

Namine chewed her tongue. She was probably overreacting. It wasn't going to happen—it _couldn't _happen. And even if it _was _going to… what would they do, really? They couldn't deter Riku. They couldn't.

Kairi got to her feet.

"I'll go talk to him."

"No, wait!" Namine jumped to her feet, too. "No!"

Kairi paused at the doorway. She sent a look back at Namine, hands on her hips, mouth tight. "Then _what?_"

Namine rubbed her fingers together. "I… I'll do it," she said. "I will. I just. I've gotta figure out how to… how to tell him. This isn't- this isn't exactly _easy _to… to put into words."

Maybe if she drew it, it'd make him believe it more. But the thought of putting this on paper made her want to puke. And even if she _did, _and even if he _believed _it would happen, would it dissuade him? Or would it only encourage him?

Kairi huffed. "Fine." She didn't look happy to say it, and she marched over to her dresser and opened a drawer furiously. "_Fine! _But come to me if you need any help. And if you- if you haven't told him in a week, and the nightmares haven't stopped, I'll… I'll tell him then!"

Namine swallowed.

"Okay."

She moved to her dresser to rummage out clothes to change into, too.

**xxx**

"What was that about?" Riku asked, the moment Namine's foot hit the bottom step. Her heart seized again. It felt like his gaze would bore right through her and dig the truth out.

"It's… nothing," she told him, trying not to stutter. "Just nightmares." She directed the last bit at Kairi's father—a kind man named Ren—who'd sent her a worried look. His face softened instantly. Riku's didn't.

Breakfast went well, for the most part. Riku kept sending her worried looks, and Namine kept ignoring them. Kairi gave her a dirty look once, but once Namine had mouthed _'now's not the time' _at her she'd let the matter drop.

"We're all going shopping for clothes after this, aren't we?" Sora asked around a mouthful of pancakes. "I know we all need new ones."

"Riku's paying," Namine said, hardly hesitating. Maybe it'd distract him…

"_Hey!_" he protested. The dirty look he sent her was mostly teasing.

"It's not like you don't have the munny," she replied.

Riku grumbled, but didn't protest further.

"He doesn't _have _to pay," Kairi's father began.

"It's alright," Riku said, waving the matter away with his hand. "I've got more than enough to cover it."

"How much do you have?" Sora asked.

"Somewhere over a hundred and fifty thousand," Riku replied. Sora let out a low whistle.

Kairi got to her feet. "Well, let's go!"


	2. Chapter 2

**AN/ **I completely forgot to put the "Part 1" label up on the previous chapter when I initially uploaded it! That was fixed a while ago, but in case you hadn't noticed the change, I'm letting you know again!

Less importantly, if you've ever been curious about everyone's heights, the blog post that goes with this chapter talks about those, so check that out too!

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><p>"At least you remembered to use the door this time," Namine laughed, sending a glance up at Riku.<p>

He hunched his shoulders, and shifted the bag that was slung over his back. The bag really only contained their new clothes—the ones they weren't wearing, of course—along with a smaller sack that contained Riku's munny. He still had somewhere close to a hundred thousand, even after buying over a week's worth of clothes for all four of them. Namine had a smaller bag Kairi'd given her, which held all of her sketchbooks and pencils.

Sora and Kairi hadn't been too upset about them deciding not to stay on Destiny Islands in favor of moving to Hollow Bastion. Well, Kairi'd been upset—and rightly so. Namine had been on the fence about the move, too, but it just felt _right _to be going with Riku. Kairi's father had been a lot easier to convince than Kairi, at least. In fact, he'd been the one to finally get Kairi to warm up to the idea.

"People you love have to move on sometimes," he'd said, with a good natured chuckle. "There's nothing you can do but let them go. Besides, from the sounds of it, it's not like you won't be seeing her again."

Namine smiled fondly at the memory. Kairi's father really was a good man.

Riku sighed on the step to Aerith's door, his free hand raised to knock. He hesitated for a long moment.

"Hmm?" Namine sent quizzical look at him.

"Nervous," he mumbled. There was an uneasy smile on his face. "What if she says no?"

"She won't."

"Maybe it's too much to ask…"

"Riku."

He lowered his hand. Namine sighed and knocked instead. Riku about jumped out of his skin, but he didn't say anything. The door was thrown open, and before either of them could say anything, Aerith had pulled Riku into a hug.

"Thank goodness you're okay!" she exclaimed.

Riku went pale. "Oh," was all he said.

Namine laughed nervously, once she'd thought about it. Riku'd been in Hollow Bastion when she'd been kidnapped by Organization 13 about three days ago. Obviously he'd departed from there, and probably worried everyone in the process. He hadn't returned since then.

Aerith let go of Riku, then immediately hugged Namine, too.

"S-sorry I didn't stop by," Riku stammered. He coughed nervously. "I- I forgot. Sorry."

"Oh don't fret over it," Aerith told him. "The important bit is that you're okay now and everyone can stop worrying! Come on in, come on in—" She stepped aside and waved them inside, pausing only after she'd shut the door. "Ah… what's with the bags?"

"Is tha' Riku 'n Namine?" Cid called. He was in the kitchen, from the sounds of it.

"Did they bring Sora? Or Kairi?" Cloud asked, stepping out into the living room.

"Do I need'ta make more sandwiches?" Cid called.

Aerith grimaced about being interrupted before her question could be answered, but she said nothing.

"Sora and Kairi stayed home—on Destiny Islands," Namine explained. "They're both okay."

"Do you want to talk to them?" Riku said. He shifted uncomfortably. The color still hadn't returned to his cheeks.

"Eventually, it might be nice, but you don't have to go get them right now or anything," Tifa said. She pushed past Cloud and plopped down on one of the couches. "How are you two doing, huh? Get everything sorted out?"

Riku nodded. "It, uh-"

"Yeah," Namine said.

Riku sent her a look.

"We did get everything sorted, and we're doing okay," Namine said, to further clarify. "It's… y'know… What happened is a long story and I'd… I'd rather not…"

…_talk about being Rewritten._

Riku's eyes narrowed as he looked at her, but finally he looked away. He didn't say anything more on the matter. Namine studied him a moment, trying to discern his thoughts. She came up with nothing. Oh well.

_There's also the nightmares to consider… _Namine thought, with a small sigh. She sent a sideways look at Aerith. She'd promised Aerith a while ago that if the nightmares became more of a problem, she'd tell. But… no. They weren't a problem. They were just nightmares.

_I hope._

"The bags?" Aerith repeated.

"Ah… well…" Riku shifted from foot to foot. "We- we were-" He coughed. "Can we… move in?"

Aerith blanched. "Uh—" she began, but didn't finish.

Namine could almost feel the dread wash over Riku. His shoulders sagged and he let out a frustrated little breath—it was almost too quiet to hear, and she might not have heard it if she hadn't known what it sounded like.

"No no! It's fine!" Aerith said, quickly. "It's fine. I don't mind if you do I just. It. There's…"

"It's not like we don't have the room," Cid called. "People can share! This house is _huge, _Aerith."

"I… I was just trying to figure out who'd share."

"Me and Cloud can share," Tifa said.

"It's not like we're staying much longer anyway," Cloud added. "Probably."

"Me and Riku can share," Namine said. Riku looked over at her, startled, but after a second more his features fell to consideration, then agreement. He nodded.

Aerith nodded slowly as she considered it. "Yes it… it'll work… It can work. Someone will have to drag a cot up to the other spare room, though—"

"Not me!" Cid yelled. Not that he exactly needed to, given how close the kitchen was to the living room. "I shouldn' be liftin' things, 'n I _definitely _shouldn' be draggin' cots up the stairs."

"I wasn't asking you to, Cid," Aerith assured him. "I'll ask Leon when he and Yuffie get back from rounds…"

"Am I not here?" Cloud asked, a touch of humor to his tone.

"Wh- oh! Right." Aerith laughed, nervously. "Would you mind, Cloud?"

"Not at all." Cloud moved to open one of the doors by the stairs. Storage.

Aerith nodded. "Riku, you'll probably have to help—"

"I can do it." Tifa got to her feet. "The two of us got the other cot up the stairs just fine the other day—I'm sure we can manage this one."

"Right," Aerith said. "I suppose that's for the better, in hindsight, Riku. Your shoulder…"

Namine watched as Cloud and Tifa wrestled a cot out of the storage room, maneuvering it to the stairs with little argument. Tifa had a strength that about matched Cloud's, and they were nearly the same height, so they made maneuvering the cot look easy. That, or the cot was just _meant _to be moved around. Namine's attention was drawn back to the current conversation when Riku asked:

"So… why _is _your house so big, Aerith?"

Aerith considered the question a moment, grimacing.

"Jus' give 'em the short version!" Cid told her, poking his head out into the living room.

Aerith nodded. "My mother ran a sort of healing business," she explained. "Not that… _business _is probably the right word, considering she very rarely accepted pay. And there _used _to be a hospital here, when the city was bigger, but—"

"The short version!" Cid interrupted.

"Right, right!" Aerith nodded her head. "We needed more room to hold all the patients, so we bought this house."

"But if the city had a hospital…" Riku began.

"See, Cid, they _were_ curious," Aerith said. Her tone carried no more than mild exasperation. "Not everyone could afford hospital bills, Riku, and most people didn't see the point in troubling doctors with minor cuts or headaches. Plus, in emergencies, sometimes we were closer."

"I guess that makes sense," Riku said.

Namine nodded, assuring them all that it made sense to her, too.

"So if you two are movin' in, does that mean tha' rebellion o' yours is over?" Cid asked.

"Yeah," Riku said.

Namine waited for him to go into further explanation, only to realize that he didn't intend to. Though… there wasn't much further to _say _on the matter—not of the Rebellion anyway. The Organization was dead. The whole thing ended on that.

_And I don't think he's too keen on mentioning me being Rewritten… _Namine thought. She was grateful for that. She wasn't keen on mentioning it either.

"You really don't mind if we're staying?" Riku pressed. "I mean, it is long term and—"

Aerith didn't let him finish. "It's fine," she assured him. "I promise you, you're always welcome here. Oh! That's right, you'll need sheets for that cot. Excuse me." She headed up the stairs. Cloud and Tifa had clearly managed to get the cot up there without an issue, considering they were nowhere in sight and Namine didn't hear Aerith say anything to them when she reached the top of the stairs.

"I have'teh ask, though," Cid said, leaning his shoulder against the wall. "Why is it yeh don't wanna stay on Destiny Islands?"

"It's boring," Riku answered.

"Ah."

Cid didn't even press the matter further.

"Yeh want sandwiches?" he asked.

"No thank you," Namine said. "We had a big breakfast—well. I don't want one. Riku…?"

He shook his head. "Nah."

She elbowed him.

"Thanks, though," he added, sparing a second to send an annoyed look at her.

"Uh-huh." Cid ducked back into the kitchen.

"See, I said it'd be okay," Namine said, quietly. She nudged Riku again, gentler this time, and beamed up at him. He smiled back, though he honestly looked like he couldn't quite believe this was happening.

"Alright!" Aerith came down the stairs again. "The room's all set up! It's the one you're usually in, Riku. Do you need help carrying anything? Have any other bags?"

Riku and Namine both shook their heads. Riku hefted the bag over his shoulder.

"This is all we got."

The room ended up being set up much like Kairi's room, back on Destiny Islands. Or, the beds were in the same places, anyway. The big bed, or, the _real _bed, was on the right, and the cot on the left. The dresser was up against the remaining wall, under a small window. It was the only dresser. Namine was glad that neither she nor Riku had a lot of clothes.

"Which half of the dresser do you want?" she asked, starting to unpack their clothes. Riku could've done it, she supposed, but she figured she'd save him the embarrassment of having to handle her underwear.

"I- I don't-"

"Oh, you should have the top half, since you're so tall. Duh!"

"Namine I don't care."

"Neither do I. You're getting the top half."

"Oh. Okay."

There was a pause.

"Where do you want your sketchbooks?"

"They can sit on the dresser—I'll take care of it when I'm done here."

"Right."

Another pause.

"Which bed do you want?"

Namine took a second to consider.

"Never mind," Riku said, before she could answer. "I'll take the cot."

"You don't have to—"

"It's fine."

There wasn't any talking him out of it, Namine knew, so she decided not to bother. Not that the decision immediately quashed her annoyance. Even if it was a little thing, about the beds, he did this with other things too. Go out of his way to ensure her comfort, or safety, while at the expense of his own. The thought of the other things frustrated her much more than the beds did.

She sighed.

"You excited?" she asked Riku. She looked up from folding one of his shirts to look at him.

He nodded. "Yeah! Yeah." He nodded again. He was sitting on the cot—his bed—leaning against the wall with his hands behind his head. There was a grin on his face. "I mean… I knew it was gonna happen something like this. I did. I just… still funny to have it happen."

Namine nodded and grinned back at him. She loved watching him talk about this. How he lit up. There was something about Hollow Bastion that was just so _good _for him. Something about this house…

"You don't mind, right?" he asked her. "I know you wanted to stay with Kairi—"

"I want to stay with you just as much," she assured him.

He grinned even wider.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN/ **this isn't exactly important or anything, and you probably have it figured out by now, but the update schedule for ATR is going to be (roughly) a chapter a week

* * *

><p>It'd been the night right after they'd come home. They'd finished swimming and were waiting for their clothes to <em>kind <em>of dry—not that they'd swam in _all _of their clothes, just _most _of them. Anyway. Kairi'd been sitting wearing Sora's jacket (so she wouldn't be without a shirt) and Sora'd been shirtless and furiously wondering why it was so cold _this _late in the year.

That was the night Sora told Kairi about his Shadow.

Kairi'd been right. Their parents _could _wait another few hours before finding out that their children had returned. This conversation could technically wait, too, but there was no telling when they'd be able to really get this kind of privacy again.

(As much as his parents trusted him, he doubted sneaking out at night to go hang out with Kairi would go over well, regardless of the fact all he wanted to do was _talk _with her. He wasn't even interested in Kairi enough to, well, do the things his parents probably would _think _he'd been doing under circumstances like that.)

"Hey Kairi, you tired or anything?" he'd asked.

And that's how it started.

**xxx**

"Hey, Kairi, you tired or anything? Wanna get heading home?" Sora asked.

Kairi shrugged. "I mean I was hoping to wait until our clothes had dried at least a little more, but there's no guarantee of that happening in the middle of the night." She prodded her soaked shirt, grimacing.

"Do you mind staying out here a little longer?"

"No. Why?"

"I wanted to talk—oh. Your voice feeling better?"

"It sounds better, doesn't it Sora?" Kairi asked, rolling her eyes. "And yeah my throat feels _fine. _I didn't expect my voice to be gone long."

Sora flushed. If he'd been paying more attention, he would've realized that yeah, Kairi's voice had sounded a lot better lately. "Okay," he said.

"This about your Shadow…?" Kairi sent him a worried look, all annoyance leaving her tone.

Sora chewed his lip, but nodded.

Kairi tensed. She said nothing.

Sora swallowed. Swallowed again. Dug his fingers into the sand, gripping some of it in his fists. Where was he supposed to start? Well, he supposed there was no place better than:

"He loved me."

Kairi was silent long enough that Sora feared she hadn't heard. Not exactly surprising, considering how quietly he'd said—

"He _what?_" Kairi asked. Her voice squeaked, and she turned to stare at him, shaking, eyes wide with horror.

"He said he loved me," Sora repeated. "He—well, he didn't _say _it. But- but I could _feel _it, Kairi. I could _feel _his feelings pounding in my chest I could _feel them._" He beat against his own chest for emphasis. "Right here. I could feel it."

"…how?" Kairi asked. "How could you _feel _that?"

"There was a connection between me 'n my Shadow. I'd always been able to feel his emotions. See his thoughts." Sora's hand clenched into a fist, closing around his necklace so he was clutching something—he couldn't clasp at his shirt, seeing as he currently wasn't wearing one.

"He… _loved _you?" Kairi shook her head in disbelief. "Are you- are you _sure?_"

Sora nodded. "Positive, Kairi. I can feel it even now. Pounding at me. Threatening to crush me with its weight…" It was like there was a set of iron claws wrapped around his heart, and another set wrapped around his stomach. Anytime he thought about what his Shadow said, they'd both _squeeze _and…

"But he was…" Kairi began, but trailed off. She shook her head, ran a finger through the sand. "Maybe I shouldn't be surprised…" she mumbled. "All that time… he was talking about you…. wasn't he?"

"Hmm?"

Sora couldn't answer her, seeing as he had no idea what she was asking. Or maybe… he did…

"Shortly after I started looking for you… he kept coming to see me," she explained. "Well… he'd been seeing me before that…"

"Really?" Sora asked. He couldn't quite say he was surprised, though. The memories rolled around in his head—not that he had a very clear sense of them, just a _feeling. _A feeling like _he'd _been there, visiting Kairi, instead of his Shadow. All of his Shadow's memories were like that. And he had all of them in his head.

"Yeah." Kairi nodded. "He stopped by a lot, actually. Maybe I'm not surprised, now that I've learned who he was. If he was you—or like you—well… maybe it was comforting to be around me."

Sora let out a long breath. "I'd believe that."

"Anyway, when I was searching for you… He'd said he was searching for someone, too, not that he'd give me a name. He just said it was a friend."

"Bet it _killed _him to say that," Sora said. The words were bitter on his tongue. Then he chuckled—sharply. Because maybe it _hadn't _(figuratively) killed his Shadow to say those words. After all, if he'd loved—

Kairi looked up at him now, her eyes narrowed with concern. Her mouth was set with determination. "He was _worried _about you, Sora. He was _really _worried about you."

"And what's that supposed to do? Make me feel better?" Sora laughed—a bark of laughter, short and sharp and _oh _so bitter. "You don't understand what he was _like, _Kairi. He was… He- He was _horrible _he…"

Sora couldn't make himself finish.

Sure, before Maleficent, his Shadow had been horrible. Except… _after _Maleficent—after Sora'd gotten away from her, and after he and his Shadow had finally gotten in touch again… His Shadow hadn't been _too _horrible. Well, making him kill Maleficent aside, of course—No! Not putting that aside. You couldn't just shove something like that to the side. The things his Shadow had done were _unforgiveable!_

But… Sora just felt empty, thinking like that. Like he _wanted _to believe it, but he couldn't quite get his heart around it.

Everyone made mistakes, after all…

"_NO!_" Sora screamed, anger flaring through him. He took a fistful of sand and threw it in the direction of the water.

He didn't want to forgive his Shadow.

He didn't want to hate his Shadow.

"It- It _horrified _me, Kairi!" he shouted. "It _scared _me—hearing him say he loved me. _Feeling _him and how he- how he…" He swallowed the words, unable to finish that sentence. "It- it _disgusted _me because… because how could a creature so dark and so- so _evil—_who'd been nothing but horrible and cruel to me and- and _hurt _me…"

He reached up, raking his hand across his face, tracing his scar—the mark of his Shadow's anger. A mark he'd never lose. His hand stopped at his neck, where the scar broke before continuing to his shoulder, fingers curling around his own skin.

"How could a creature like that _love _me? How could- how could _he _love me?"

Kairi shook her head, sadly. "I don't know, Sora. I have _no _idea and wish I did so I would know what to tell you but I…" She trailed off. Sighed.

"He did…" Sora whispered. The words came out in chokes. "He did love me. I felt it. I can _still _feel it. Like it's gonna eat me. Swallow me whole. _He loved me._"

Kairi said nothing. Sora rubbed at his neck. His heart turned over and over in his chest. He'd thought talking to Kairi would make him feel better. So far, it was only making him feel worse.

Just _thinking _about all this made him feel worse.

Kairi shifted to her knees, rubbing her hands together nervously. She shifted again, so she was about leaning over Sora. Slowly, she reached out, her fingers hovering near his forehead. There was sadness in her eyes.

"Can I?" she whispered.

"Yeah."

Sora closed his eyes. Kairi's fingers brushed his skin—his scar—trailing it all the way from his left eyebrow, across his face, and then down to his right shoulder, where it eventually ended. The skin was sensitive, but Kairi was gentle, and her touch didn't hurt. Sora took a deep breath. He could hear Kairi's breath catch in her throat—a stifled gasp, or perhaps a muffled sob.

"Did- did he… _really…?_"

Sora nodded.

Kairi's hand lingered on his shoulder.

"It was an accident," Sora said. The words came tumbling from his lips. "Or- or maybe it wasn't quite one. He was just frustrated—more at the situation than anything else and I wasn't helping and- and he lashed out. I don't- I don't think he meant to hurt me maybe. I dunno." Sora realized very quickly that he hardly knew what he was saying. "I dunno," he repeated.

Tears started rolling down his cheeks.

He reached up to wipe his eyes, a little confused.

"Wh- why am I crying?" He had to wipe his eyes again, and then his cheeks. "Why am I crying? Wh- why am I…?"

He hadn't even felt the urge to cry until now. These had come out of nowhere, though they hardly felt like his. Or maybe they did. What did genuine tears even _feel _like? Where had _these_ tears come from? He felt sick to his stomach.

"It's stress, probably," Kairi said. She shrugged. "It's okay…. Crying's probably perfectly normal right now…." She moved her hand to rub his back, and shifted her weight so she was sitting again.

Sora buried his face in his hands. The tears wouldn't stop falling. "Wh- what am I supposed to do?" he sobbed. "Wh- wh… how… How am I supposed to- to _live _knowing that he _loved _me? Kn- knowing that he—"

"I don't know." Kairi shook her head. Her shoulders seemed to shake a little. "I- I don't know, Sora. I just don't know." Her fingers clenched into a fist against his back. She hung her head. "I- I wanna say that we're not getting the whole picture or- or something wise and dumb like that but- but it makes me _sick _to think of defending him!" Her voice rose to a shout.

Sora flinched only a little—she was right next to his ear, so the shouting startled him, but he was fairly used to this after nearly fifteen years with Kairi. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kairi just kept ranting. That didn't surprise him either.

"After what he did!?" Kairi demanded. "He- he _betrayed _me. I… I thought he was my friend, and yet… he… …to me and… and _to you._" She shifted to face him again, reached out to touch his cheek—his scar. "If he- if he _loved _you, then- then _why _did he hurt you?"

"It was an accident," was all Sora could say.

He didn't even know how he knew that, or if he believed it.

"Was it?" Kairi asked.

Sora shrugged.

There was so much in his head now, now that he had his Shadow's memories, boiling inside him. So many moments like that one, moments he remembered with conflicting emotions. Disgust, but enjoyment. Shock, but disgust. Horror, and agony. Trying to process it all just made him sick.

"I don't want to defend him either, Kairi," he said. "I don't. _Trust me. _After all those battles. All those months running from him. Fighting him. Staying away from home because I was afraid he'd hurt you. Staying away from _anywhere _because I was afraid of him hurting _anyone _I cared about. And- and yet…" He wiped his nose, now—wiping his eyes was useless. "People- people can change, I guess, I just—"

_I just… what?_

People could change, but could Shadows? They weren't human.

It'd been so much easier when he could just say he hated his Shadow and move on with his life…

…but had he ever really _hated _his Shadow?

Now thinking about his Shadow just made Sora upset. He wasn't disgusted, really—he was confused. Conflicted. What was he even _supposed _to feel about this?

Kairi's hand fell away from his face.

"How- _how _could he love me?" Sora choked. As if that was all it came down to. He raised his face to the stars and shouted in frustration—"_How could he love me!?_"—as if he could blame his Shadow for it.

You couldn't blame someone for falling in love.

"I'm sorry." Kairi gripped his shoulder, to steady him. "I'm sorry—I wish I had an answer for you but _I don't._"

Sora squeezed his eyes shut. They hurt so much from all this crying.

"He- he _begged_ me to kill him, Kairi," he said. "He literally _got on his knees _and b-_begged _me. He- he said he couldn't do this anymore and…"

Sora took a shuddering breath. It took all his strength to resist the urge to scream at the sky again.

"And… And I think I understand… especially now," he whispered. "Living- living with this weight is _horrible. _It's only been a few hours, but- but I don't know how I'd survive any longer. I don't know- don't know how _he _survived as long as he did."

_Because he couldn't die by any hand but my own…_

The thought made Sora cry even harder.

_He said he'd tried to kill himself, but it hadn't worked. It hadn't worked so- so he made _me—

"But it's only been a few hours!" Kairi argued. "Maybe- maybe the feeling will fade over time."

"It didn't for him…"

The firmness—the _desperation—_in Kairi's voice when she replied made Sora's heart clench.

"It _has to _for you. Dying is _not _an option."

That was just it.

"IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN FOR _HIM!_" Sora screamed. "I shouldn't have had to kill him! I didn't _want _to!"

Dying shouldn't have had to be an option. There had to have been _some _reason for his Shadow to keep living. Forget all Sora's mixed feelings about him! Dying _shouldn't _have been an option for him.

"Sora, I'm _sorry,_" Kairi repeated. This had to have been the billionth time she'd said it. "That must've _stunk _but I—"

"I didn't want to! _I DIDN'T WANT TO!_"

Sora pounded at his chest, screamed at the sky again. As if the heavens would find some way to repay him if he screamed at them long enough. As if his Shadow could still hear him.

It was so unfair. The memories just kept washing over him. His Shadow on his hands and knees, tears streaming down his face. Tears streaming down his _own _face, as his voice fought to leave his lips.

It was so unfair.

The battle his Shadow wouldn't fight—that _he_ didn't want to fight. Finally raising his blade. How heavy his arms had felt. How all he wanted to do was cry, and not shove his blade through his Shadow's chest.

How his Shadow had thanked him, smiled, like he'd never been happier. Like he'd finally gotten his release.

Sora hoped wherever his Shadow was now—dissipated entirely, or in some sort of afterlife… Sora hoped he'd found his peace. It was the worst way to _get _peace, but… if at least _one _of them was happy…

"I- I didn't- I didn't _want _to…" Sora sobbed.

Kairi wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. She smelled like saltwater and sweat. Her hands pressed grains of sand into his skin, but Sora was grateful. So _terribly _grateful. That she was here. That he didn't have to face all the feelings roaring in his chest all by himself.

"I'm sorry," Kairi whispered, and her voice cracked. "_I'm so sorry._"

Sora clutched at her for an anchor, curling in on himself. He couldn't do anything more than cry anymore. He didn't think he'd be able to do anything _but _cry for a long while.

**xxx**

Sora rolled over in his bed and squeezed his eyes shut even harder, as if it would make the room any darker, as if it'd block out his roiling thoughts.

_I just want to sleep. I don't want to have to mull over this every night before I go to bed. I just want to sleep…_

It was hard to do.

It'd been a few days, but the conversation still jostled around in Sora's head. He didn't feel much better about the whole ordeal now, either. He was _still _trying to process it. Make peace with killing his Shadow. Make himself _somehow _accept the fact his Shadow loved him.

It still weight heavy on his chest.

He wanted the weight to go away.

_He loved me…_

_ He hates me…_

_ He loved me._

Sora pulled the pillow over his head and tried very, _very _hard to block it all out. When he finally fell asleep, it was a long time later, and the thoughts and memories kept spinning around in his head even in his dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN/ **I'd say I'm sorry for the late(ish) update, but I'm really not? I severely miscalculated how my update schedule would coincide with magik's so I'm in no rush to upload things.

I saw the Book of Life yesterday and that was really good! I'm also doing NaNoWriMo this year, and I'm pretty excited about that. Obviously it's not going to have an effect on the update schedule, seeing as I already have the next twenty chapters written. (My horrible time management is impeding the update schedule more than Nano will, to be honest).

* * *

><p>Riku eyed Sora warily from across the table. He kept yawning, covering it with his hand, and even the looks he sent Kairi were weary. Sora and Kairi had come to visit Hollow Bastion, and of course everyone wanted to know what'd happened to them too. They were all sitting at the table as Sora and Kairi filled everyone in on what Riku and Namine hadn't mentioned over the past week. Neither of them brought up Namine being Rewritten, though, and it wasn't until Sora was asked about his Shadow that he said anything on the matter.<p>

"Oh? He's… he's gone…" Sora let out a long breath, drumming his fingers against the edge of the table. "He's… finished. I… y'know…"

He trailed off there, sending a brief look at Kairi.

"You don't sound very happy about it," Yuffie said. Her elbow knocked against Riku's as she leaned forward on the table.

Sora's drumming became a little more aggressive. He sent another look to Kairi, on his left, then sent a hesitant look to his right, where Cloud was sitting. Actually, if Riku trusted his eyes, it looked like Sora looked _past _Cloud and at Tifa.

"Maybe I didn't want to kill him…" Sora mumbled. He stopped drumming, leaned back in his chair. He looked exhausted.

"It's for the better," Cloud said, looking sternly at him.

Sora only shrugged. Riku thought he saw him mutter something that looked like 'sure'.

Leon leaned back in his chair, though Riku figured that had more to do with trying to see past Yuffie than anything else. "Why didn't you want to kill him…?" he asked, slowly.

Sora shook his head. "I don't think… I ever wanted to kill him. I just… I figured I had to." He wouldn't look anyone in the eye—not anyone who wasn't Kairi anyway. He shrugged again. "I guess… guess it didn't… it didn't feel right, that's all. When it came down to it."

Tifa tried to press the matter, but Cloud put a hand before her, signaling her to drop it. The conversation continued—not that there was much left to discuss. Sora rarely looked up again. Kairi kept sending looks at Namine, but every time Riku turned to Namine, she acted like nothing was wrong.

"Something up?" he asked her.

She looked up at him, hesitating a long, _long _moment before saying no, nothing was wrong.

He knew she was lying.

"Namine—"

"Not now. Please."

Riku wanted to ask further, but Sora caught his attention across the table, mouthing the words 'can I talk to you?'. Riku sighed, sending one last look at Namine, before nodding. What'd he done, though, to upset Namine like this? Surely he'd said something, but…

The conversation eventually dwindled, and everyone left to do their own things. Namine and Kairi headed upstairs to talk. Sora waited until everyone had left the table, then meet Riku's eye. Riku shifted a little in his seat.

"Yeah?"

"Have you… have you ever killed anyone?"

Riku raised his eyebrows. Of all questions…

"Sora…" he began.

Realization washed over Sora's face. "Oh. Right. That was a dumb question."

Riku shrugged. He couldn't exactly deny that.

"Never mind," Sora said, pushing his chair away from the table and getting to his feet.

"Wait, hang on, why'd you wanna know?" Riku nearly got to his feet too, only to remember how _tall _he felt standing next to Sora. He didn't like how it felt like he was towering over everyone all the time. Even with him sitting and Sora standing, Sora hardly had inches on him. Standing, Riku was at least two inches taller than Leon. At least.

"Just wanted to know if you feel as gross about it as I do, but you wouldn't. You were built to be a killer."

Riku let out a long breath, unsure of what to say. He licked his lips. Sora's words had a certain sting to them—his choice of the word _built _rather than _born, _paired with the solemn look in his eyes and the certainty in his tone. He didn't even look angry. He only looked resigned.

"Sorry…" Riku said, slowly.

Sora waved the apology away.

"That's alright. Nothing you can do about it."

Riku shrugged. "I can try to talk…?"

"No, you can't, because you don't understand, either—unless you've been up all night puking over it? Didn't think so."

Riku swallowed.

"Is this… is this about your Shadow?"

Sora rolled his eyes. There was a sharpness in his voice, now, as he spoke. "It's about everyone. All of them!" Then he grimaced; reconsidered. "Maybe not Ansem. And I can't say I'm too sorry to see Maleficent go, just wish it hadn't happened the way it did."

Riku wet his lips. He knew this was dangerous territory, and that Sora'd basically already answered, but he couldn't help himself. "And… your Shadow?" he asked.

Sora slammed his palm against the table, eyes blazing with a fury. Riku jumped a little. He hated admitting that he was _scared _by little things like this, but he definitely had been surprised.

"I already answered that, Riku," Sora hissed. "_Why _does everyone want to know about him?"

"I was just—"

"You don't _understand, _and you _never will_." Sora pulled away from the table, straightening slowly, regarding Riku with that angry gaze for as long as possible before he finally turned away and started off. "There's no point talking to you about it," he muttered, heading for the stairs.

Riku eyed the stairs for a moment. He didn't want to look like he'd been following Sora—he really had no intention to—but Namine was up there, and…

_Not that she wants to talk to you._

Riku shook his head, squishing that thought from his mind. She and Kairi _were _friends, after all. He could allow them some privacy. Even if…

"Riku?" Aerith called, from the living room. "Can you come look at something for me?"

"Yeah!"

He got up and headed out there to meet her.

Aerith smiled at him when she saw him. "I was thinking of starting a garden outside again," she explained. "And wanted your opinion on where it should go."

"Why mine?" he asked, surprised.

"Because you're the only person who lives here that isn't busy right now. I mean, I'm going to ask everyone eventually, but I guess you're first!"

Despite himself, Riku couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips.

**xxx**

Sora knocked on Cloud's door, even though it was open. It just felt rude not to knock, especially since he and Tifa looked like they were discussing something.

"Cloud? Can I ask you something?"

Cloud looked up at him, then sent a glance at Tifa.

"'Bout your Shadow?" he asked, eyes darting back to Sora.

"Kinda."

Cloud nodded. He sent another longer look at Tifa. After a moment of glaring at him, she rolled her eyes. "I'm going," she sighed, getting to her feet and pushing past Sora. He could hear her clomp down the stairs after a few seconds.

Cloud gestured for Sora to sit on the cot, where Tifa'd been sitting. Cloud was sitting on the edge of actual bed. Each was up against opposite walls, so by sitting on the cot, Sora was facing Cloud.

Sora cleared his throat, working up the nerve to ask his question. It wasn't an easy question to ask. Honestly, he figured the only reason he'd been able to ask Riku so easily earlier was likely because he already knew Riku's answer.

"You… you ever killed anyone, Cloud?"

Cloud's eyes widened with surprise. Then he shook his head. "No one besides Sephiroth," he said. His face darkened with concern. "Are you telling me… you have? Besides your Shadow?"

Sora only nodded.

_There was Ansem, of course. I think. And Maleficent, and those two members from Organization 13—Xaldin and Luxord, weren't they?_

"If you want sympathy on that, you'd be better off asking Leon," Cloud said, dismissively. He shrugged and gave Sora an apologetic smile.

"Really?"

Cloud nodded. "He's the only person who comes to mind that's maybe killed a not-Shadow. He mentioned dealing with an evil sorceress of some sort and I _think _that ended in her death—try not to press him too hard, though. He may not want to talk about it."

"Of course," Sora said, without hesitation. He filed that information away in his head for later, and hoped he wouldn't forget it. He probably wasn't going to get a chance to ask Leon today.

"Was that it?" Cloud asked. "Or did you have something to ask about your Shadow?"

"I do." Sora shifted his weight in the cot, pulling his legs up and folding them under him. This wasn't exactly an easy question, either. "Why do you say it's better he's… that he's dead?"

Cloud's earlier surprise wasn't a match for his surprise now.

"Because… it is…" he answered, eyeing Sora suspiciously. "I mean I know it can't have been easy to take his life, but there wasn't another option…"

That was the answer Sora couldn't bear.

_"Sora, I am a being created to drag you into darkness! There is no other win for you besides my death!"_

_ "Are you _sure!? _Because you giving up on that sounds like winning to me!"_

He hadn't been able to bear the answer then. How was he supposed to bear it now?

"What if there was?" he asked Cloud. "What if there was another option?"

"There can't have been," Cloud replied. "He can't have lived. Sooner or later he would've tried dragging you into darkness. You can't have—"

"We could've worked something out!" Sora shouted. He turned away, hastily wiped the tears from his cheeks.

_"What's got you so twisted up in knots, huh? Can it be fixed? Can I…?"_

_"Sora there's no way to fix this! Please just- just kill me!"_

They could've worked something out. If only his Shadow hadn't been so hasty. If only Sora'd said something different. Gotten his Shadow's attention. Managed to get them to talk through it, figure out how to fix it, figure out how to—

_ But he wanted to die because he loved you, _he reminded himself.

_ It's not disgusting to love me. We would've worked it out._

_ But could _you _live with that knowledge?_

_ I have to anyway, whether he's alive or not. Maybe it'd be easier if he _were _still here…_

Sora shook himself out of his internal argument. Cloud was regarding him sternly. He didn't know Cloud well enough to know if the way his lips pursed together meant he was angry or not. He could almost _sense _Cloud's impatience, though.

"What would you have done?" Cloud asked. "Befriend him? You can't _befriend _a Shadow. A _Sheto..?_" He laughed weakly, and shook his head.

The sound of the word _Sheto _stirred something in Sora. A sense of familiarity. A flash of images conveying what it meant. Someone drowning in darkness. Gold eyes watching on, glinting with pleasure. Fighting. Struggling.

_"I'm a being made to drag you into darkness, Sora."_

"It's impossible," Cloud continued, his voice dragging Sora out of the images. "Sooner or later, he would've snapped back to what he needed to do—kill you or smother you in darkness—and neither of you would've been able to stop it. Him being close to you, being 'friends' with you, would've only made it worse. He could've done it in your sleep."

Something roiled in Sora's chest.

"No, he wouldn't have," Sora protested. "He- He _wouldn't _have!"

He wasn't sure exactly why he was protesting.

_He wouldn't hurt me. The thought made him sick. He loved me. He wouldn't have—_

"Shadow's aren't creatures you should trust," Cloud told him, plainly.

"Mine was different!"

Cloud raised his eyebrows. The amusement in the expression made Sora's hands clench into fists and unfold his legs from under him. The urge to punch Cloud square in the jaw and wipe that not-quite-a-smirk off his face flooded him, then the urge was gone. Sora didn't even have time to question it.

"Look, even if he was," Cloud said. "Even if his head was in a good enough place to restrain himself, he would've done it anyway. _Shetos_ are very purpose driven creatures. He would've fallen back into the same pattern, without realizing what he was doing, and eventually he'd have you by the neck, pulling you into the darkness with him."

The image sent shivers down Sora's spine.

Echoes of _he wouldn't have _continued in his head.

Anger filled him as quickly and as strongly as the urge to punch Cloud had, but this time it didn't vanish. He leaned forward where he sat, palms pressed to the cot, prepared to launch himself forward. As if attacking Cloud was even a _smart _idea. As if he _really _wanted to.

"How do you know?" he demanded. "Last I checked, you and Sephiroth weren't—"

"Weren't nearly as connected as you were to _your _Shadow, no," Cloud finished. There was a sharpness in his tone. He watched Sora as if he really expected him to attack. "But my Shadow had enough time to go around, make a name for himself, and a reputation. He wanted to get away from it, wanted to be the stuff of other people's nightmares, not just mine. Except he always came crawling back to me. He couldn't stay away."

The words tugged at Sora's heart, and the fire of anger flickered to nothing.

"I think it drove him mad…" Cloud grimaced as he spoke, clearly not thinking highly of the thought. "Eventually he grew more and more focused on fighting me. Trying to killing me. As if it were an obsession he couldn't shake."

Sora let out a long breath. He trembled a little with the raw emotion surging through him. He didn't know what his feelings were doing, but they certainly weren't staying in one place for long, and he was sure he'd soon be overwhelmed by it all.

_Maybe that's why my Shadow died, _he thought. _So he wouldn't have to fall that far, wouldn't be forced by madness to kill me, when he so desperately couldn't stand harming me…_

_ …not that it makes his death any easier to bear._

Sora swallowed. His knees knocked together. He gripped the edge of the cot, elbows locked with the strain of it. He cast his eyes to the ground.

"I understand," he whispered.

"Why he couldn't have lived?"

Sora nodded.

"Good."

Sora squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn't easy to bear—none of this was—but he understood. Just like he understood why his Shadow _wanted _to die. Not just to avoid madness, but because he found himself despicable.

"Is that it?" Cloud asked, and his voice was kind now. Still a little rough, but this was Cloud. Everything he did was a little rough.

"No…" Sora said, slowly.

There _was_ something else. It was just, the thought of telling Cloud gripped at his stomach, but he needed to. He needed Cloud to understand.

"I just… I didn't want to kill him because he asked to die." The words fought and struggled out of his mouth, like someone was in his throat and trying to drag them back before they left his lips. His eyes were shut, so he couldn't see Cloud's expression, but he figured it was surprise of some sort.

He continued: "And it's… it's been really unsettling me. Maybe if- maybe if he hadn't told me… but…" Then he chuckled, a little bitterly. "Who am I kidding? Even if he hadn't told me, I would've known." He clutched at his chest.

"You would've?"

The shock in Cloud's voice was enough to make Sora look up at him. Cloud was frowning. Suspicious.

Sora sent him an equally confused look. Did he not have Sephiroth's memories, like Sora had his Shadow's? He supposed he wasn't surprised. Many other things had differed between their Shadows.

"I… I've got all his memories, now," Sora explained. He tapped his knuckles against his chest, right over his heart. "Am I… am I not supposed to?"

"I don't have Sephiroth's…"

Right. Sora had been right in assuming that.

Sora took a second to fumble for words to explain it, explain what had happened. Explaining to Kairi hadn't been hard, but now he was nervous, as if Cloud would correct him. "He- my Shadow… when he died." Sora swallowed. "There was something let of him. He said it was a heart—my heart, that he'd harbored in him, and that I should take it back. I did."

Cloud went very pale. Sora's frown deepened.

"Was I… not supposed to?"

"I- I don't think you _needed _to," Cloud replied. "I mean, I didn't have to with Sephiroth… but our Shadows _were_ very different, weren't they?"

"Do you think it was a bad idea?"

"Not _necessarily…_"

Cloud didn't sound to certain, though.

"Cloud, if I made a horrible mistake, I'd like to know!"

Cloud shrugged and shook his head. "I couldn't tell you if you had. You're the only other person I've met who's had a Shadow. There's no telling how different they should and shouldn't be. I think…"

He hesitated.

"Yeah?" Sora pressed.

"I think it smells a little fishy," Cloud said. "_But, _I might just be paranoid. I've been paranoid for five years." The last bit was said as if it were a joke, but Sora didn't find it at all funny.

_Oh, _please _tell me I haven't made a horrible mistake. _

Sora let out a long breath. "Still… why did it have to go that way? I- I didn't want to…"

He didn't want the fight with his Shadow to go how it had. Didn't want his Shadow's death to come the way it had.

"You can't change the past, so there's no use fussing over it," Cloud said.

"But- But I… I didn't want to kill him…" Sora's voice caught on his lips. "I- I didn't want it to end like that—"

"Do you think I wanted to sit and watch Xehanort _murder _Zack? While I was too weak to do anything about it?" Cloud's voice was sharp like a whip, but as fragile as glass. "Do you think I wouldn't give anything to be able to go back and change that night, if at least, to make it so he was still here and Aerith would smile again? Because I would. But I can't. And you can't change how your Shadow died, either."

Sora just nodded. His shoulders hunched as if the words were blows. He understood. He did. He just… He didn't like it. He didn't like any of it.

"And since you can't change the past, your only option left is to learn to accept what happened," Cloud said. The confidence in his tone was gone. His hands curled to fists against the bed. "It's not easy. Of course it's not easy. But what other option do we have?"

"None," Sora whispered.

Cloud nodded.

"Exactly."

He got to his feet.

"Now come on. You should probably be heading home soon, shouldn't you?"

Sora nodded fervently, and got to his feet, too. Cloud was right. He and Kairi could only stay here so long, before they needed to head home again. If they were gone too long, their parents would get worried. Or, his parents would, anyway. Unfortunately.

Cloud headed out and down the stairs, gesturing over his shoulder for Sora to follow. Sora did.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN/ **Well I finished my Nano project at 23k words. "Does that count as finishing?" well I ended the story didn't I? I think yeah, it does.

Also there was a chapter uploaded to ASAS (ch76) a few days ago if you weren't aware of it

* * *

><p>"This is your room?" Kairi asked. She paused in the middle of Namine and Riku's room, turning in a full circle once to get a good look at it.<p>

Namine nodded. "Uhhuh."

There was a thick tension in the air, despite Kairi's attempts to ease it. Namine tried to breathe evenly, tried not to dread where this conversation was going, where it had to go. Even though Kairi was currently avoiding the question, Namine knew she would ask eventually, and she dreaded the moment.

"Heh, all it needs is another dresser and it'd look like ours—I mean. Mine. Back on Destiny Islands."

Namine swallowed, wishing she couldn't see how Kairi's face fell at the words. She knew Kairi wasn't too excited about her having moved out, and the wound was still raw. It'd been a week since she'd moved out of Kairi's—since she'd seen Kairi last. Clearly Kairi was still upset.

"The window's… bigger too," Namine said, after a moment, to fill the silence. "Not that… not that it has nearly as pretty a view."

Nearly every house on Destiny Islands had a view of the ocean, at least in the distance, behind everything else. Here, in Hollow Bastion, all you got was a view of the city, and it didn't glow orange at sunset like Destiny Islands did. It hardly glowed at all.

Kairi'd moved over to the window, looking out of it, but she said nothing.

Namine cleared her throat.

"I… I guess I could always spend the night back with you, sometime…"

Kairi turned to Namine. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned back against the dresser, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. Her hair was getting long, just as she was getting tall, and it kept falling into her eyes. She looked incredibly annoyed about it, though when she opened her mouth, it wasn't to complain about her hair.

"Well, before we even think about a potential sleepover—have you told him?"

There it was. The question Namine'd been dreading.

Had she told Riku about her nightmares? About her visions of what could've been the future—not that she really believed it could be the future. She didn't want to believe it could be the future.

The answer hadn't changed.

No, she hadn't told him.

She swallowed nervously.

"I- I don't think he's gonna do it," she told Kairi.

It was a lie, and a lie she wanted herself to believe more than she wanted Kairi to believe it. She wanted to hide in denial. Use it as a shield against what she otherwise knew to be horrible truth. Riku would, if he got the chance. He would go through with it.

Kairi raised her eyebrows, and Namine sighed. That was Kairi's _I-don't-believe-the-crud-you're-telling-me _face.

"Namine," Kairi began.

"I- I really don't," Namine stammered. She believed it less than Kairi did.

If Riku had the chance, he'd do _everything _she'd seen him do in her nightmares.

"Why won't you tell him?" Kairi asked, _demanded. _There was an air of authority about her, an air that had always clung to her, especially when she was angry, or when she wanted to know something. And every time, she got what she wanted. Every time, Namine buckled under the weight of that look.

Namine ran her hands over her skirt, as if to smooth it, and looked at the ground. She wasn't brave enough to look Kairi in the eye. Especially not now.

"I… I don't want to hurt his feelings…" she mumbled.

"What!?" Kairi jolted upright. "Namine, what the _hell?_ That is like the worst reason not to tell him about this."

"I'm…? Not so sure if _I'd _call it the worst reason…"

"Really?"

"I don't like it when he's upset…"

It was more than that she just didn't like it. Kairi didn't know what it was like, when Riku was upset. She didn't know that it felt like all the color drained from the world, didn't know how his feelings pressed in the back of Namine's head. Upsetting him was like purposefully upsetting herself. With that connection of theirs—telepathic or whatever it was—she felt what he was feeling. Even if it was muted, she still felt it. It was horrible, when he was upset, though the connection did have its upsides.

_Whatever that memory thing that happened was when we kissed, for one…_

"Well… I guess that's understandable," Kairi said, slowly. "But you can't keep him happy all the time. And you can't spare his feelings when he's about to do something incredibly dangerous and you can stop him."

"I just…" Namine began. She didn't know how to finish.

"You have to tell him."

Namine shook her head. "It's probably nothing." She smoothed her skirt again, then hugged her arms across her chest. She moved towards the bed, considering sitting down.

"Is it?" Kairi asked. She pushed away from the dresser, taking a step towards Namine.

Namine swallowed. She didn't like lying, but…

"The- the nightmares have died down."

Kairi grabbed her by the arm, pulling until Namine was forced to face her.

"Namine, don't lie to me, I can see the bags under your eyes. They've only died down because you haven't slept."

"It's hard to sleep."

That wasn't a lie.

"Because of the nightmares?"

Namine sighed. "If I'm not having them, Riku is," she said. Kairi's grip on her lessened, and she looked Kairi in the eye now. "I don't think either of us have gotten sleep. At all."

The first night here she'd woken up screaming, tormented by the same plague of nightmares she'd been having for these past few weeks. Riku was screaming the next night, loud enough he nearly woke the whole house. He woke Aerith, at any rate, and Yuffie, surprisingly. They didn't sleep the next night. Or the night after that. They were Replicas. They didn't need as much sleep.

"You should tell him," Kairi said, after a long moment. She stopped gripping Namine's arm, though she ended up gripping Namine's hand instead. "Maybe it'll make 'em stop."

Namine swallowed. Wouldn't that be wonderful? But… "I don't think—"

"Namine."

Kairi saw through her lie before she could even start it. She was going to say she didn't think Riku was going to do it, again.

"I'll tell him, if you'd rather," Kairi said. There was a haughty look in her eyes, _daring _Namine to tell her no.

"He won't take it from you," Namine mumbled, then bit her lip. She hadn't realized how saying the words would turn her stomach in knots. Hadn't realized just how complicated her relationship with Riku was. She felt like she should say more—because Kairi didn't know—but she couldn't find the words to explain to Kairi how Riku didn't listen to anyone. That the only person he'd ever seemed to listen to was her. And maybe Aerith.

Not that she'd dare trouble Aerith with this. Even if she had promised, long ago, to tell Aerith if these nightmares started popping up again… she couldn't bear the thought of telling Aerith the horrid things Riku wanted to do to Larxene. Aerith didn't need to know.

Fortunately, Namine didn't need to figure out how to put any of her thoughts into words. Kairi kept talking.

"I don't think you believe he'll take it from you, either, and if you're not gonna do it—"

"Kairi, please," Namine tried to interrupt.

"Someone has to, Namine," was all Kairi answered. "We have to stop him."

Namine felt like she was going to be sick.

"They're just dreams…"

She didn't want to tell Riku. She hadn't realized until now that it really had to be her that told him, because he wouldn't listen to anyone else. That thought was worse than the thought of telling him. It was a lot of weight to bear.

"You don't believe they're just dreams, though," Kairi argued.

"Why is this so important to you?!" Namine demanded. "It's not like it's going to make up for what happened to Sora!"

The words fell from her lips like bombs. Kairi's eyes went wide, and she even took a step away from Namine. Not that Namine blamed her. She clapped her hands to her mouth, instantly regretting whatever anger or adrenaline—or protocols—it'd been to make her say it.

_It's something Larxene would say._

That thought made her go rigid.

_7 told me he removed all the Larxene data!_

Except he'd also told her that there was a lot of it, and it'd take more than one look through her data to make sure it was gone. When the Organization Rewrote her—or, more specifically, when 37 Rewrote her, he'd made sure it wouldn't be easy to set her straight again.

Namine made a mental note to go see 7 as soon as she had a chance.

She opened her mouth to apologize to Kairi, but Kairi beat her to it.

"You're right. It won't, and I'm not stupid enough to think it will." Kairi's eyes darkened dangerously. Namine almost wanted to be the one stepping back, now. "I'm not stupid enough to think stopping Riku or saving him from whatever it is you think he's gonna do is gonna make up for not saving Sora. I'm not an idiot, Namine. And that's exactly why I'm not gonna sit by and let you make the same mistakes I did."

"Kairi, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it."

"That doesn't matter! What matters is if you really think Riku's gonna do something that he shouldn't—or something that's gonna hurt him—you _have _to tell him." She jabbed Namine in the chest, eyes burning. "Otherwise, you're gonna find yourself sitting around here for five months not sure if he's ever gonna come back to you."

Namine could only stare.

She was horrified she even said it to begin with.

She hadn't meant it.

And Kairi's words stung. It wasn't easy to process them. Process the hurt in them. What they meant in relationship to Namine and Riku. Not to mention there was the roiling monster—Larxene—that Namine could feel in her stomach. She'd said something like this to Kairi before, back when she'd been Rewritten and Kairi'd been forced to fight her. She'd run her mouth like this, too.

_"It never occurred to you to get off your butt and go looking for him, did it?"_

_ "I was scared! I was scared I wouldn't be able to find him, or that when I did, he wouldn't be him."_

"I'm sorry," Namine repeated.

She wasn't sure if she was apologizing for what she said this time, or for what she'd said last time.

Kairi didn't even acknowledge it.

"Are you gonna tell him?" she asked. "Or am I gonna have to?"

"I…"

A knock on the door interrupted them, then Sora poked his head in.

"Hey, Kai, I hate to interrupt, but we maybe need to get going?" He nodded behind him. "I mean we've been here a few hours now and my parents…" That's when the situation he'd interrupted dawned on him, and his eyes went wide. "Sorry. Was this important? You need another fifteen minutes?"

"No, you're right, we should go." Kairi sighed, then sent a stern look at Namine. "One more week, though. One more, and then I'll tell him if you haven't."

Namine nodded, following Sora and Kairi out of the room then down the stairs. Sora asked what they'd been talking about, but Kairi brushed him off. Probably for the better, Namine figured. Sora didn't need to know either.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN/ **Yep! We're off hiatus! If you missed the hiatus updates, this is because of an embarrassing lack of communication with magik on my part, leading me to believe she had closer to ten chapters to post before we reached the Big Crossover Sequence coming up, when in reality, she only had five! So, off hiatus, back to regular (if not more frequent) posting schedule!

And, if you haven't read magik's fic "Remnants" yet, you should definitely check it out! ((Obviously you don't have to read it, but if you are a fan of both our works, you might want to be up-to-date with hers before the Crossover Sequence.))

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><p>"So I see you two made up," Tifa called.<p>

Kairi nearly missed the next step. She clutched at the railing, stopping completely, almost causing Namine behind her to stumble. She turned her attention to Tifa, not even wondering where everyone else was right now—she only saw Tifa and Cloud sitting on the same couch, Tifa with a smug little smile on her face. Kairi couldn't tell if she was just teasing, and even if she was, it didn't change how much the words bugged Kairi.

"Like we wouldn't?" Kairi demanded.

Sora sent a glance at her, continuing down the stairs. His eyes told her _get off the staircase, first, then keep talking. _She chewed her lip angrily, but listened, hating that she had move her eyes away from Tifa so she could be sure of her footing on the stairs.

"Look, I get it," Sora was saying. She could hear the roll of his eyes in his voice. "I was an idiot for thinking we wouldn't. I already knew that. I don't see why we have to pound it in again."

"Darkness messes with your head," Cloud replied, with a slightly disinterested shrug. He was leaning forward in his seat, elbows resting on his knees, and slouched over. Tifa was practically draped across the couch, looking quite comfortable. Cloud didn't even seem to notice that her shoe was touching his leg.

Sora deflated a little, scratching the back of his head. The sound of feet on the stairs behind her told Kairi that Namine had headed back up, likely to give them some privacy with this conversation.

"I thought you were mad at him," Tifa said, looking directly at Kairi.

Kairi rubbed her thumb over her knuckles, grimacing. "Maybe a little frustrated," she admitted. "But just because I was mad doesn't mean I'm going to hate him forever. Why would you think that? We're best friends. It's gonna take a lot more than a few screw-us to get me to hate him." She sent a reassuring smile over at Sora, who smiled back.

Tifa and Cloud exchanged knowing looks.

Sora's smile fell to suspicion, and he and Kairi exchanged a knowing look of their own.

"You didn't… _really _think she was mad at me, did you?" Sora asked, turning back to Cloud and Tifa.

Cloud shook his head. Tifa's smile got wider.

"Nope," she said. "Just checking to make sure you knew where you stood with each other."

Kairi started to say that there were nicer ways to go about that, but Cloud was speaking before she could get anything more than a few sounds out.

"Darkness meddles with the important things, like your relationships with the people you love," Cloud said. "And though it looks like the worst is over, the road ahead is still pretty rough."

Sora nodded, like he understood. "So you were just looking out for us." He didn't sound annoyed at all, not that Kairi understood why. Well, she did understand—Sora was generally more laid back about these things—but that didn't make _her _any less annoyed.

"It's just going to be hard on the both of you," Tifa explained. "Best start off knowing where you stand with each other than let the road—or the darkness—make you think you hate each other again."

"I never thought I hated him," Kairi protested.

"Well…" Tifa began.

"But _I _thought you hated me," Sora said, before she could finish. He shrugged, apologetically, sending an uneasy smile at Kairi, like he feared she'd get mad at him for saying it. Honestly, she wasn't angry, just happy to see that apologetic smile on his face again.

"That was the darkness's fault," Kairi assured him. His smile immediately became less apologetic and more genuine.

"Could it happen again?" Sora asked, turning to Cloud and Tifa.

"It could," Cloud said, simply.

"But if you're sure about where you stand with each other, it shouldn't," Tifa added.

Cloud nodded.

"Well, was that everything, then? We need to get going." Sora shifted uncomfortably. Kairi instantly remembered why. His parents…

"Yeah, that was all we had to say," Tifa said.

Kairi hardly waited for her to answer before running halfway up the stairs. "Namine? We're leaving!" she called, knowing Namine would want to say goodbye. Riku probably would, too, wherever he was.

"Oh, are you?" Aerith asked. Kairi turned, finding her walking in the front door, Riku tailing her. Kairi moved down to the bottom of the stairs again.

"What were you two doing?" Tifa asked.

"Gardening," Aerith replied, dusting off her hands. "Riku, you mind going and getting everyone so they can say goodbye?"

"Uh-huh," Riku said, without hesitation. He moved to the stairs, actually flashing a smile at Kairi as he passed. She stared after him, a little surprised. He was taking the stairs three at a time—thanks to his ridiculously long legs—not complaining in the slightest. It was nice to see him smile like that. Be happy like this.

"Gardening, huh?" Cloud asked, learning back in the couch. He hardly sounded surprised.

"Well, not quite," Aerith said, amending her pervious statement. "Trying to figure out where to put a garden. Once I've got that figured out, I've still got to get flowers to—"

"Uhm, can we try and keep goodbyes quick?" Sora interrupted. He shifted from one foot to the other. "I hate to be rude, but we've really stayed longer than we should've, and I'd—"

"Oh, nonsense." Aerith waved his worries aside with her hand. "You haven't stayed too long. I don't mind the company."

Sora shook his head, a little aggressively. If he wasn't out of Kairi's reach, she'd grab him by the arm or hand to comfort him. "It's not that I'm worried about. If we're gone too long, my parents are gonna be furious with me."

Kairi sighed and rubbed her cheek. He hadn't _needed _to tell them that, specifically. A simple 'they'll be worried' would've sufficed. He'd always spoken and acted before thinking, though…

Everyone stared at him for a long moment. Aerith looked almost horrified. Cloud's face was a mix of surprise and concern. Tifa just looked confused.

"Why are they going to be mad?" Cloud asked.

Kairi quickly tried to answer, hoping to save Sora from talking himself into a hole. "They just worry easily and—"

"I may have told them I was at Kairi's," Sora mumbled, rubbing his arm.

"Sora!" Aerith gasped. She definitely sounded horrified now.

Kairi suppressed a groan. _I'm trying to help you, Sora, would it kill you to be quiet!_

Tifa looked like she was going to say something, and if she didn't, Cloud certainly would. Neither of them got the chance.

"Why'd you do that?" Leon asked, making his way down the stairs. He paused at the foot of them, seeing as Sora wasn't standing more three feet from them. It would cause a traffic jam sooner rather than later, Kairi realized, but she wasn't sure if she could do anything about it.

"They just haven't taken the news about where I've been for the past six months well, that's all," Sora said.

Kairi raised her eyebrows. So now he _wasn't _going to be honest?

"They haven't taken the news at all," she corrected. There was no reason to start lying now, and more importantly, she couldn't pass up the chance to remind him to actually _tell _his parents. They only reason they were in a hurry to get home was so that he could keep up his ruse that he'd been at Kairi's. If anything, his parents were more upset he hadn't told them than anything else.

"That's your dad's fault!" Sora huffed, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at Kairi. "I was _gonna _tell 'em but then he goes and tells me," he paused, cleared his throat, and continued in a crude imitation of Kairi's father: "'Careful Sora, they might not take the news well'—what kind of advice is that? Scared me right out of it!"

"My dad doesn't sound like that!"

"He totally does."

"You should still tell them, though," Aerith said. "Sooner rather than later."

"Tonight," Kairi said.

"Eh, I don't blame him, for not wanting to," Tifa said. "It's not like my dad took the news well, when I told him I was leaving."

"Tifa, you shouldn't assume _everyone's _like your father," Cloud scolded. "Not that I disagree with Kairi's father. There is a chance they might not take it well. They don't know about other worlds, do they?"

"That doesn't mean he shouldn't tell them," Aerith countered.

"I never said he shouldn't tell them—"

"Alright, fine!" Sora said, over everyone. "I'll tell 'em. I will. Eventually."

"Tell who what?" Yuffie asked. "Uh, Leon."

"I'm moving."

"Nothing," Sora told Yuffie. "It's nothing."

"Cid wants to know if he really has to come down," Riku said.

"Well I _guess _not," Aerith sighed.

"Can we get this moving along or not?" Sora demanded, raising his voice over everyone's again. "I really don't want to be rude, and I'd really love to stay, but I don't need to add 'being out obnoxiously late' to the list of things my parents are gonna be mad at me about."

"Why are his parents gonna be mad?" Namine asked.

Everyone—minus Cid—was down the stairs now, and most of them were crowded kind of awkwardly at the bottom of the staircase. Kairi moved to stand by one of the couches to allow room, though Sora didn't move.

"He hasn't told them where he's been," Kairi explained.

"Ah."

"Well?" Sora raised his voice again. "Can me and Kairi get going or not? It's getting kinda late!"

Aerith laughed. "We're not trying to keep you, Sora, just trying to be polite and give everyone a chance to say goodbye."

"It's not like I'm never going to see any of you again," Sora grumbled, but didn't argue further.

Goodbyes were short and sweet, for the most part. Kairi took a little extra time saying goodbye to Namine. They discussed plans for a potential sleepover again, but couldn't discuss much else, with Riku standing there. Kairi settled for giving Namine a very stern look, nodding at Riku, and hoping Namine got the point. From the way her face paled, she likely did.

Sora wound up getting caught in another conversation with Cloud, but he was wrapping it up by the time Kairi'd finished with Namine.

"Well, if I need anything, I know where to find you," Sora said.

"Ah…"

Tifa nudged Cloud in the gut before he could continue with whatever he was going to say. "Aerith's got your number if Sora ends up needing it, so don't worry."

"Right. Best get going then, right, Sora?"

Sora nodded, then looked to find Kairi. She smiled at him, and after a few more goodbyes, they were out the door and on the street before Aerith's house. Sora let out a sigh of relief, but it was more theatrics than anything else. Kairi understood his feelings completely. Big families were always the hardest to get away from, especially when you were in a hurry, it seemed.

"Come on," Kairi said, holding out her hand for Sora to take. "Let's go already."

He took her hand, activated his star shard.

Star shard travel was as it always was, jolting and almost like you were being torn in twenty different directions at once, before finally being pushed in just one. Kairi shook herself as they landed on Destiny Islands, thinking that Tifa's way of traveling—whatever it was she did—was much more preferable.

"Oh no." Sora's voice sounded very tight. "Why is it dark out already?"

Kairi felt the blood drain from her face. "Crud, time runs differently between worlds."

"It does!?"

"Yeah, and I knew that, and I'm sorry I forgot."

"Thanks a lot, Kairi!"

He didn't sound very grateful, and he shoved at her with enough force she would've stumbled if she hadn't expected it.

"Well, on the bright side, now you'll have to tell your parents," Kairi said. She did her best not to laugh, but couldn't help the smile that was forming on her lips.

"Thanks _a lot _Kairi!"

There was a sting to Sora's voice now, and he shoved her forward, causing her to stumble this time. She recovered her footing quickly, sent a look back at him long enough to stick her tongue out, and started running in the direction of her house. Sora was quick to follow.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN/ **I forget how much I advertise playlists/fanmixes over here, but I did make one for Namiku in All that Remains and I'd appreciate if you checked it out. It shouldn't be hard to find on my 8tracks (It's called "It's exhausting") but it's also with the chapter commentary for this chapter if you are having trouble.

That's it! Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Riku was in the kitchen, helping Aerith put the clean dishes away. Aerith had tried to tell him she was fine, she could do it herself, but he ignored her protests and helped anyway. Maybe it was for the better, Namine noted, as she watched from the living room. After all, Riku could reach the shelves that Aerith could not.<p>

The three of them were the only ones downstairs. Leon, Yuffie, and Cid were all upstairs, doing whatever it was they did. Leon was probably reading, or writing something, as she'd noticed him doing as of late. Cid was likely working on some gadget prototype or other, or drawing up new plans for an improved canon, not that there had been much Heartless lately. Namine had no clue what Yuffie might be doing. Maybe she'd already gone to sleep. It wasn't like it was too early to, and Yuffie did like her sleep.

As for Cloud and Tifa, they'd left not long after Sora and Kairi did. Namine hadn't caught where they were heading, but no one seemed surprised at them leaving, though Aerith had been quite happy to hear they were going _together._

Namine was drawing, besides watching Riku and Aerith work in the kitchen. She and Aerith made idle talk, with occasional input from Riku. They discussed Sora, briefly. Aerith mentioned how she felt he was… _off, _but couldn't put her finger on what was off about him. Riku'd said he'd seemed more tired lately, but that was all any of them could think of. Namine hadn't even noticed there was anything up with Sora, with how otherwise preoccupied she was.

She kept considering putting her nightmares onto paper, into her sketchbook, because then it really would be easier to tell Riku about them. She couldn't make her hands move to form the shapes, though. She sighed. She should probably tell Riku soon, before she could chicken out of it again, but she couldn't bring it up with Aerith here.

_It might be easier… But, no, I can't tell her about this! She doesn't need to know._

"You two should sleep tonight," Aerith said, suddenly.

Namine looked up, surprised. Riku paused with a mug halfway into the cabinet, shoulders tensed. After a second, she saw him force himself to relax.

"We don't need as much sleep as you do," he told Aerith, laughing lightly. The laugh was meant to ease her. To push her worries aside. He'd used the laugh on Namine before.

Aerith didn't pause, didn't falter. "But you do need it more than once a week, don't you?" she asked.

"Well…" Riku began, but he couldn't finish.

Namine didn't know what to say, unsure which direction Riku wanted to go with this. Were they trying to talk themselves out of sleeping? Was he going to tell her about his nightmares? She couldn't tell. She could never tell when it came to Aerith, and how he'd respond to her.

Tentatively, Namine reached out with her mind, trying to forge the bridge that connected hers and Riku's heads. It wouldn't come. She frowned with distaste.

_Shouldn't I have noticed that sooner…? _she wondered, but she really couldn't come up with a reason why she would've noticed sooner. She hadn't tried to form the connection after she'd been Rewritten. But hadn't it _always _been open, at least a little?

With a start, she realized she hadn't heard his thoughts _at all _this past week. Nothing, not even the slightest trickle of thought, or emotion. She couldn't say if she was relieved or not. The connection had been a burden as much as it had been a blessing.

_But if it's gone… is it gone? _She wasn't sure it was, didn't want to say she was sure it was, not yet. _To think of all the things that would've gone with it…_

"My point still stands, you should probably get some sleep," Aerith said, drawing Namine out of her thoughts.

"We'll try," Riku told her.

Aerith nodded. She took one brief look around the kitchen to make sure everything was in order, then nodded again, satisfied it was. She pulled Riku into a short hug.

"Good night."

"Uh, good night."

Aerith smiled at him, then headed out the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Good night, Namine," she said as she passed.

"Good night."

Then Aerith was up the stairs.

Riku slowly closed the cabinet by him. He didn't turn to look at Namine, specifically, but she could still sense how his attention shifted to her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered

Namine looked up, surprised. "For what?"

"For not saving you in time." He played with the handle of the cabinet door, pulling it open a little, pushing it shut. "That's… that's what you're upset about, isn't it?"

Namine slowly pushed her pencils into a better position, so she wouldn't upset them if she stood up suddenly. "What are you _talking _about?"

"Well I've been running it over in my head all day, and I can't come up with another reason for why you're upset."

"And it didn't occur to you to just _ask _me about it?" Namine asked. Annoyance flared through her, though she tried to shove it down and out of mind. She didn't like being annoyed with Riku. Yet that's all she'd seemed to be lately. Annoyed with him.

"Would you answer if I asked?" Riku replied.

Her response—and her anger—died in her mouth.

"Well…"

"Exactly."

Riku shut the cabinet with a slam, then pushed away from it, moving so he had one hand braced on the wall between the kitchen and the living room, looking down at where she sat on the couch. Namine tried not to look at him.

"That wasn't your fault," she told him, simply. She could bear this subject. She could bear any subject that wasn't what she saw in her nightmares.

"Of course it was. I wasn't fast enough to save you."

Namine grit her teeth. This argument again. "_I _was the one who thought it was a good idea to just let Xigbar _walk away _with me and not put up a struggle. If anyone's to blame, it's me."

Riku shook his head, as firm as he always was about this. "But you walked away with him because you trusted me to be fast enough."

Namine glared, then let out a frustrated breath.

"Do you want to know why I'm really upset?"

Riku's face softened a little, from anger to confusion. He hesitated a moment, and then:

"Yeah."

Namine faltered immediately. She hadn't actually expected him to say yes. For some reason. Plus, how was she supposed to tell him why she was upset? That she was upset because he had that look on his face again—the determined face where his bottom lip stuck out in a slight pout and his eyes narrowed with a quiet anger. The face that told her his opinion was a stone that could not be moved, that he refused to believe it was anyone's fault but his own.

How was she supposed to tell him that?

And the nightmares…

She looked away from him.

"It wasn't your fault, so stop acting like it was," she told him.

Riku pushed away from the wall, stepping towards her. "No, come on, why are you mad at me?"

_Why are you mad at me?_

It was like a physical blow, and had Namine been standing, she would've staggered. As it was, she leaned back in the couch, hunching her shoulders. She tried to mask the shock on her face. Looked down at the ground.

"I'm- I'm not… not at… you…" She swallowed, mumbling. "I just. I've… Nightmares…"

"Oh." His voice was softer now, and he didn't sound a bit surprised. He moved to kneel on the ground before her, taking her hands in his. Even kneeling, he was almost eyelevel with her. Namine blamed it on how low this couch was.

"They are difficult, aren't they?" Riku whispered. He shifted and straightened to press a kiss to her forehead, lingering there a moment. "The nightmares…" He sighed deeply, his breath ruffling her hair, and then pulled away.

"It's… it's more than just nightmares…" Namine stared at her lap. At their hands clasped together in her lap. She wouldn't let Riku's softness ruin this. She had an opportunity. She had to tell him. If, for the very least, because Kairi would be furious if she didn't. Not to mention what he'd do if…

"Yeah?"

"It's… Larxene…"

"What?" Riku laughed, lightly. "Why are you worried about her? She can't hurt you."

Namine shook her head. "No, I'm- I'm worried about you and—"

"She can't hurt me either."

"But- but she's _alive _and you—"

Riku's smile fell immediately. "Shit…" he breathed. "She is alive." Horror crossed his face, quickly replaced by anger.

Namine felt her stomach clench.

"Riku, please—"

"I doubt she can get me here, though…" Riku mumbled, not seeming to pay Namine any attention. His grip on her hands grew tighter.

"That's- that's not what I'm worried…"

She trailed off, as Riku looked up at her. He smiled broadly.

"We're safe, Namine," he said, firmly. "I'm safe. More importantly, you're safe."

Anger bubbled in Namine, but she quickly shoved it down, before it showed on her face. She didn't want to upset Riku. But couldn't he just _listen _to her?

"Riku," she began, but he was already getting to his feet.

"Aerith's right," he said. "We should probably get some sleep. I'm actually kinda tired, now that I think about it. Need me to carry anything?" He gestured at her pencils, spread out on the couch.

Namine sighed, and shook her head. "I got 'em…" she muttered, shoving them into her pencil case. Why was it her he was worried about? Why couldn't he, for once, be a little more worried about his own safety? If they were discussing Larxene, it was him who was in the most danger.

She kept her mouth shut, though. Maybe she could tell him about the nightmares later—surely, when she woke up from one this morning, she'd have a chance. Have a chance to say she wanted to talk about it, wanted to tell him. And if not then in the morning, then surely, _sometime _later tomorrow.

That hope in mind, and grateful for an excuse to put it off, Namine followed Riku up the stairs.

**xxx**

Namine sighed deeply, shifting against her pillow. She couldn't sleep, not that that was a surprise. Sleep had been hard coming all week, even without the nightmares.

She'd been lying awake for probably an hour now, based on her internal sense of time. There wasn't a clock in this room—Riku had said he _definitely _wouldn't sleep with it ticking at him all night—so she couldn't cross check her internal time sense… but it'd never been wrong before. Probably had to do with being a Replica.

She sat up, sending a look over at Riku. It was amazing how peaceful he could look in his sleep. How a face that she had seen make so many cruel and pained expressions could be completely serene once its owner lost consciousness. She licked her lips nervously. She didn't want to wake him, but…

"Riku…?"

He sat up immediately, turning to look at her. She had no trouble seeing him, even in the near pitch darkness that filled the room. Impeccable night vision was something that also probably came from being a Replica.

"Yeah? Namine? Something wrong?" Riku asked.

His words were slurred a little by sleep daze, but not as much as they could've been. He'd always been like that.

"I… can't sleep…"

"Right. Well. We don't have to." He shifted into a more comfortable position, visibly calming now that he was certain she wasn't in danger. "I know I told Aerith we would, but we can always get some sleep _later _tonight. Or tomorrow. I think we can make it one more night."

Namine flopped back onto her pillow, rolling on her side so she was facing Riku. She ran her fingers over the edge of the bed, inches from her chest.

"I want to sleep," she said. She was a little surprised by the whine in her tone as she said it, but didn't have the energy to care. She felt _exhausted. _Nearly a week with no sleep was finally catching up to her. She just wanted to be able to sleep.

"Okay." Riku nodded at her. She got the feeling that, even if he was functional, he wasn't entirely awake yet. "Uhm… we can talk until you nod off? I could just talk at you. Read you something? I don't know what normally helps you go to sleep."

Namine shrugged, uselessly. "I've never had much trouble sleeping before."

"'Fraid to sleep 'cause of the nightmares?" Riku asked, quietly.

She only nodded.

_Now's your chance. Tell him why they frighten you. Go on!_

"I… I wish I could help…"

_Please, Riku, suggest talking about the nightmares. Don't people say talking about them eases them? I doubt it'll ease mine, but at least then you'd know…_

Riku sent a long worried look at her, his bright eyes looking even brighter in the darkness. "Got any suggestions…?" he asked.

Namine sighed. She really didn't want to talk about her nightmares tonight. It would be smart but… but then she'd never get any sleep. Her desire for sleep was much, _much _more potent than the need to tell Riku about her nightmares.

"Can… can I sleep with you?" she said, very, very slowly. She wasn't sure how Riku'd respond to such a suggestion.

"Huh?"

"In your bed…?"

Riku studied her. "You think us sleeping in the same bed together might help you sleep?" He asked the question in the same halting tone she'd phrased her suggestion in.

Namine swallowed.

"It might… might ward off the nightmares."

"Y'think?"

"Being near you seemed to help ward off the meltdowns."

He chuckled a little. "Not as much as, ah… kissing you did."

She could hear the grin in his voice as he spoke. She hoped the darkness at least hid her blush. Riku _normally _didn't tease, but he could never seem to let this subject drop. Maybe it was just because he liked thinking about it, and she couldn't exactly blame him for that.

"Been a while since the last meltdown, hasn't it?" Riku said, suddenly.

"Hmm? Oh… not that long…"

_Two weeks, I think. A little over two weeks. Guess that is a while, but certainly no cause for celebration. Just cause to be worried one's coming soon._

"Maybe they've stopped." The way he said it suggested he didn't believe it.

Namine laughed, feeling that same disbelief. "Wouldn't that be wonderful."

"Right." Riku cleared his throat. "So… about sleeping in the same bed…"

"Is that weird?" Namine asked, before he could get much further. She didn't move at all, other than to draw her arm away from the edge of the bed and against her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut, too, not wanting to watch Riku's slow and precise movements as he worked out his answer.

"Do you… think it's weird?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I think it's… something… that maybe might be… considered weird…"

She could hear Riku click his tongue, a sharp sound out of the darkness. She wasn't sure if she should take it as him being annoyed, or just some unconscious movement he made as he thought. Without their connection—she really was suspecting it was gone completely, because even now as she reached out for it she couldn't find it—she could only guess.

"Namine, if you don't _want _to..." Riku began, speaking slowly.

"I do."

"But you think it's weird…"

"I dunno…"

"Isn't it normal for people who are dating to share a bed, though?" Riku said. "Or, y'know, no one's gonna think too much about it…"

Namine laughed a little. "Riku, I wouldn't call whatever it is we're doing dating."

_And even if it was, how am I supposed to know if sharing a bed is normal for people who are dating?_

"Well, if you wanna go on a date sometime—"

"Right now I want to sleep."

"Do you want to share a bed or not, Namine?"

She hunched in on herself. She couldn't help it. "Do you think it's weird?"

Riku sighed deeply, and then she heard the slight creek of his mattress—not that it creaked much—followed by the sound of his feet on the floor. Before she could open her eyes to see where he was, or open her mouth to ask what he was doing, he had lain down in the bed next to her, between her and the wall.

"There," he whispered, shifting to make himself fit into the tiny space that the bed allowed. It wasn't a very large bed, and it definitely hadn't been made to fit two people. The fact that Riku was as tall as he was probably wasn't helping.

Finally, he'd gotten himself settled, with one arm wrapped around her, and his chin resting on the top of her head. Namine figured that as long as they both stayed on their sides, and neither of them moved too much in their sleep, this could be comfortable. Staying still required her being correct, though, in saying this would help their nightmares. She wasn't sure if _she _thrashed much when she was having a nightmare, but she knew Riku did.

_Just don't think about it, _she told herself. _It'll be fine…_

"Better?" Riku asked, gently.

"Uh-huh…"

Namine could feel her eyelids drooping already.

"Alright. Just wake me up and let me know if you need me to move, though."

"Yeah."

Namine didn't even remember falling asleep, but she did in the end. She didn't have a single nightmare that night, either.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN/ **If you haven't read the rewritten Dead Inside ch87 yet, you probably should! Also, ASASch77 has a scene that's vaguely relevant to this chapter (aka, I wrote Sora returning home after Dead Inside and while it's not _important _to this chapter, it's related and probably interesting). That's it!

* * *

><p>Sora opened and stepped through his front door—it was unlocked, of course. Few people bothered locking doors on Destiny Islands. Unsurprisingly, the lamp in the corner of the front room was still on, and both his parents were sitting on the one couch in the room, up against the side wall. The look on his mother's face said he definitely wasn't forgiven for being out so late.<p>

_Definitely not when I said when I was hanging out with Kairi… oh man this is bad…_

"Sorry," he said, closing the door behind him. He cleared his throat nervously. The words _I got caught up on the play island _formed on his tongue, but he swallowed them. No more lying. Just the truth, now.

"It's an hour after sundown, Sora." His dad's voice was weary, and his dark eyes tired. He raked his hand through his dark hair, just as dark as Sora's. Had it been any longer, it likely would've stood up just as much as.

"Sorry," Sora said again.

"I assume you have an explanation," his mother said. The raise of her eyebrows suggesting she fully expected an explanation, and likely one of the long winded "explanations" he'd given when he was younger, which weren't really explanations at all, but elaborate lies.

Sora looked between the two of them, still trying to piece together what he was going to say. His father looked exhausted, the grey in his hairline more pronounced than usual. His mother's skin seemed to be stretched tighter across her face, though whether that was from the current anger or her waning age, he wasn't sure. She certainly looked a little thinner than she had six months ago.

His parents were both well past their prime, unlike Kairi's dad, who was still in the middle of his. Sora always forgot the exact age difference between his parents and Kairi's dad, but he knew it was somewhere around ten years.

Sora took a deep breath, and then sat down on the floor in front of his parents, folding his legs under him.

"I need to tell you something," he said. "About… where I've been. For the past six months."

That got their attention. His dad seemed to relax a little. His mother did the opposite, moving to sit on the edge of her seat.

"I- I want you to hear me out. Before you say anything," Sora said, quickly. "It'll be a lot to take in, and a lot to believe, I know that. But hear me out. Please." He lowered his head, silently asking for forgiveness. He shouldn't have lied to them, shouldn't have kept this a secret for so long, even if it had only been a week. He should've told them the day he came home, or the day after, anyway, once the tearful reunion, shower, and a good night's sleep were out of the way.

"Go ahead," his mother said.

"We will," his father said.

Sora swallowed once, then went into it, knowing it was better not to hesitate, better to just get this done.

"I've been in another world."

His mother made a noise of indignation, and he winced. He'd expected it, but it made it no less painful. He kept his eyes fixed on the ground before him.

"Another world?" his mother demanded. "Sora, that's—"

"Akemi… We said we'd hear him out." His father's voice was soft, soothing, like it always was. It was always his father that would ground his mother, that would calm her before her anger could take her. Sora didn't need to look up to see his mother's tight-lipped grimace, nor the concern that darkened his father's face.

"I know it's a lot to believe, and I know I'm asking a lot, asking you to believe it." Sora rest his hands on his knees. He cleared his throat. "Do you… do you remember when the darkness came and swallowed this island? I don't know… where it took you, if it took you anywhere, but it took me to a different world, and I've been there all this time. I- I would've come home sooner, but I didn't have the means until… until very recently."

That wasn't the whole truth, or anywhere near _all _of the truth, but he knew he had to start small. Everything that happened was much, too much to say in one sitting. He'd worry about telling them everything once he was sure that they'd believe him.

"What was it like?" his father asked.

Sora smiled a little. He could always count on his father to support him, even when his mother doubted. It was one of the things he loved most about his father. If he had his father convinced, then eventually, _eventually, _they'd be able to turn his mother around.

"Haru! Don't encourage him!"

Sora tensed, looking up now. His mother looked furious. His father's face showed little expression. The only problem it came down to, was how would he convince his father without a chance to talk to him alone?

"I'm not lying, Mom, I promise you," Sora said, grinding out the words with effort that surprised him. His tone was sharper than he intended, a frustration bubbling in him. He pushed it down, worried. These were his parents. He couldn't yell at them. He was horrified at how strongly the urge to shout pulsed through him, how strongly he wanted to scream at them.

_Is it the darkness…? I hope it isn't…_

"Sora…" his mother began, but a look from his father silenced her. She sighed, deeply.

Sora sighed, too, a heaviness weighing on him.

_They'll hear me out, but I get the feeling they don't actually believe me. I just… If I can convince Dad… _

"If I wasn't in another world, where else would I have been?" he asked. "This island's too small to hide me for six months."

"You could've stowed away on a ship, I suppose," his dad mumbled.

Sora's fingers curled into fists on his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, biting back tears. "I- I didn't…" His voice cracked.

His father said nothing more, did nothing more.

"You must have," his mother said. "And if you did, that's fine, I don't mind. I just want the truth."

"I'm telling the truth! Kairi can back me up!"

Admittedly, saying that Kairi could back him up did little to help him, and he knew it. When they were little, they used to do a lot of pranks and tell a lot of lies. Sora'd thought them harmless, for the most part—and in reality, most of them were—claiming that they'd been attacked by a sea monster when he was really only playing pretend. Kairi backed him up all the time, too, regardless of how silly his stories were or how elaborate.

Honestly, he wasn't exactly surprised at his mother's reluctance to believe him, especially with the knowledge there was a spell on this island. Or, Kairi's dad thought there was a spell anyway. A spell that made everyone forget foreigners after they left, and maybe did more than that. It was to keep the balance, to keep the worlds separate.

Sora's mother laughed, sharply, knowing just as well as he did that Kairi's word meant little. The laugh made something burn in Sora. He wanted to shout, scream, so much more. She was being _thickheaded, _and _ignorant, _and—

_And she's my mother! I can't think of her like that!_

He bit his tongue, trying to quash his ill feelings. He really hoped that, if they were caused by the darkness, that darkness wouldn't be hard to tame. It was going after his parents. His parents!

Sora took a deep breath. He couldn't do anything about that right now. It'd have to wait. Slowly he lowered his head again, curling his chin to his chest. He didn't _want _to argue. He just wanted them to believe.

"I am telling you the truth," he said, very, _very _slowly. "I mean it. I've always been honest to you about the big things, so why would I lie to you now? And- and if I was lying—" He couldn't help the catch in his voice, the hysterics this was pushing him into. Why did it have to be so hard to convince them? "If I was lying, I'd have come up with something better than this. Like- like a crazy witch kidnapped me or—"

"Sora," his dad interrupted.

Sora grit his teeth. He shouldn't let this frustrate him so much, but it was hard, it was so hard. Why wouldn't they believe him?

"I'm telling—"

"That's enough, Sora! I don't want to hear it!"

It was his mother who cut him off this time, and Sora cringed at the sound of it. His throat hitched. His patience snapped like a cut wire. He slapped his hands down against the ground, his head snapped up to look at them. Anger flooded him.

"WHY WON'T YOU _LISTEN _TO ME!?" he screamed. "WHY WON'T YOU _BELIEVE _ME?"

He could feel the way his face twisted up in fury, could feel his lips curl with disgust. Nothing. They knew _nothing. _They were a pair of ignorant fools and—

His father looked surprised, scared. He was pushing himself back against the back of the couch, as if to distance himself from Sora, from his son. His mother looked horrified, too much so to even be angry anymore.

That's when reality snapped back into place around him. The heat of anger fled him, leaving only the cold of shock. His parents. He'd just yelled at his parents, and maybe threatened them. He wasn't sure how they'd interpreted the snarl on his face, wasn't sure if he wanted to consider it a threat.

"I- I'm sorry." The words couldn't leave his lips fast enough. His voice didn't sound sincere enough. "I- I didn't- I didn't. I'm sorry."

Tears rolled down his cheeks. He gasped for air.

"Sora…" his father began.

"I'm sorry."

Sora fled to his room.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN/ **I know I updated two days ago but magik is literally at the Big Sequence and I have one more chapter after this one sooooo

* * *

><p>Kairi's dad seemed only mildly surprised to open his front door and see her. "Hi, Namine!" he said, grinning widely. The smile always reminded her of Sora; very open, very casual.<p>

"Is Kairi here?" Namine asked. She was starting to worry she might have missed her. She hadn't left Hollow Bastion _that _late in the morning, but time obviously ran differently between worlds, seeing as it looked like it was quite later here. Late enough that Kairi might already have gone to the play island, if she still went every day, and certainly late enough for Sora to be over, or for her to have gone over to his house…

"Yeah, she's upstairs," Kairi's dad said. Namine let out a sigh of relief. "I can call her down if you want, but I think you can find your way just as well. You did live here." The last bit seemed almost an afterthought.

Namine agreed, saying that she _could _find her way on her own, laughing a little. Forcing a laugh, anyway. She had other things on her mind than Kairi's dad's spotty memory. Not soon enough, she was poking her head into Kairi's room. Kairi was sprawled across her bed, reading. The second bed—the one that used to be Namine's—was still made, which surprised Namine a little.

"Hey!" Kairi said, picking her nose up out of a book and waving. She noticed the look Namine was giving the second bed, then added: "My dad figured we might as well leave the sheets on it, for when Sora spends the night. Or for when you spend the night. Or whatever." She frowned then, closing the book. "You look upset about something else, though. What's up?"

"I… I tried to talk to Riku last night."

Kairi tossed the book on the floor and sat straight up.

"How'd it go?"

Namine shook her head.

Kairi winced with sympathy. "That bad, huh?"

"More like I hardly got three words out before he managed to change the subject," Namine mumbled. She flopped down on the bed next to Kairi, falling back onto her back. Being here seemed to make the tenseness flow out of her, though it did nothing to alleviate her weariness.

She wasn't _physically _weary, of course, not in the traditional sense. She'd slept _very _well last night. She was just… _mentally _weary. She hadn't been able to bring up her nightmares to Riku this morning. The moment she started talking his eyes scrunched up and his mouth curled with distaste. She'd abandoned her attempts after that.

_He's being sour about it, and I haven't even properly told him…_

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Kairi asked, a repetition. Namine was sure she'd offer every time this came up, at least until Namine told Riku, or until it was too late…

Namine shook her head, partially to clear her thoughts, partially to answer Kairi.

"I want him to stop being… I don't know…"

She wasn't quite sure how to put everything that'd been frustrating her about this—about him—into words, let alone a single one that would finish that sentence. _Unreasonable, _maybe, could be what she was looking for, but that almost felt like putting it blandly.

"Butthurt?" Kairi suggested.

Namine laughed in spite of herself. "I wouldn't call it that."

"Then what would you call it?" Kairi shifted to lie down next to Namine, putting her hands behind her head much like Sora would.

Namine shrugged. "I don't know… but it's more than just the nightmares…" She let out a long breath, reaching up to rub her face. "I've been _really _frustrated with him lately, and I'm not even sure why…"

"Not the nightmares, huh…?" Kairi said, slowly. Namine could just picture how she chewed her lip as she thought, even though she couldn't see it from this angle. "Is he doing something to tick you off?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"Well, think about what's usually happening when you get upset." Kairi turned her head towards Namine. She looked nothing besides patient and understanding.

Namine let out another long breath.

"It's just… he… it's like he completely ignores the fact—"

"They didn't believe me, Kairi, can you believe that!?" It was Sora's voice that interrupted her, accompanied by the heavy sound of his feet on the floor. Both Kairi and Namine sat bolt upright. Namine did a double take at the sight of him, at the scar across his face, and she immediately felt bad for doing so. It was just going to be a while before she got used to seeing it.

Sora had his arms folded across his chest, drumming his fingers against his skin, and he was still ranting. "The _moment _that I mentioned other worlds, they just… you… have Namine over." His annoyance fell immediately once he realized that, and he dropped his arms from across his chest. "Sorry. Never mind." He moved for the door.

Kairi jumped up to intercept him.

"No, hang on, what? What happened?"

Sora just shook his head. "It's okay, talk to Namine. I need to talk to your dad, anyway, really." He pushed past Kairi, heading back down the stairs.

"What's going on?" Namine asked.

Kairi shrugged, slowly, staring out the door even though Sora was long out of sight. After a long moment she turned to Namine, worry etched on her brow. "I think… I think he was talking about his parents…"

Namine's eyebrows raised with shock. His parents. He'd tried to talk to his parents about where he'd been, like everyone in Hollow Bastion had told him to last night, and they hadn't believed him. She hissed in sympathy.

"Do you need to go talk to him?"

She understood completely. This seemed much more important than Riku.

Kairi chewed her lip, clearly worried, but shook her head. "No… he's right. It's my dad he needs to talk to, really—I doubt my word would do anything to convince his parents, if his word didn't, but my _dad's _word, on the other hand…" She trailed off, eyes meeting Namine's, her expression asking if Namine understood. Namine nodded, saying she did.

"Well…" Kairi flopped down in the bed again, though Namine remained sitting. "Where'd we leave off? You being upset with Riku, I think."

"Yeah." Namine grimaced. "I don't remember what I was saying, though."

"Take your time."

It was hard to gear her thoughts away from Sora and his parents, and back to Riku, but eventually she managed. She mulled over their conversation last night, trying to remember what had frustrated her about it, besides the fact that he wouldn't listen to her…

Actually, maybe that was it.

"Well, he wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell him about my nightmares," she said. "He kept changing the subject, and it was _really _frustrating."

"Understandably so. Not much you can do about that but call him out on it, though."

Namine nodded.

There was something else, she remembered now.

"And then… when he's upset…" She began, then paused. Is that how she wanted to explain it? She tried again. "He does this thing when he's upset…"

"Yeah?" Kairi pressed.

"He gets… he…"

Namine wasn't quite sure how to describe the way Riku's bottom lip quivered in a pout that made him look angry and hurt at the same time. Nor was she sure how to describe how his negativity pressed at the back of her mind…

_Then again, if our telepathic link really is gone… then so is that... _

She'd tried reaching for the connection between their minds again this morning, but like last night, she hadn't been able to grab it. She wasn't sure if she'd say it had vanished, or if it was just… too far away to touch. She still wasn't sure if she'd miss it if it were gone, either. On one hand, it really would be nice not to have her mood affected by his feelings pressing in the back of her mind in the future. On the other hand, it had been nice to be able to talk silently with him, along with being able to hear his negative thoughts and catch him before he could drown himself in them.

"_Yeah?_" Kairi repeated, looking sternly at her. "He does what?"

Namine mulled it over a moment more, then settled on: "He looks like a kicked puppy."

Kairi snorted, and Namine couldn't help the slight smile that came to her face, too, at the comparison.

"A kicked puppy?" Kairi asked.

Namine nodded. "Yeah! Like- like when you accidently step on a dog's tail and they get that big sad look in their eyes."

"Ohhh, oh yeah! Like it's their fault, and—" She stopped, the grin falling into horror. She propped herself up on an elbow, looking urgently at Namine. "_Exactly _like that?"

Namine's stomach twisted as the realization settled on her, too. Exactly like that. Hurt and upset and wanting to apologize, like it was his fault, even though it was an accident, or it was her fault.

_Like him saying it's his fault I was Rewritten, even after all this time. There's that I'm upset about too. That, and every other time he's done it… which is…_

She couldn't specifically count any other time, but she got the feeling there were plenty of them. A couple with Larxene flickered through her mind. Those would've been with the other Namine, though. Or just Larxene. Clearly, she could still see plenty of his memories, connection or no. She shuddered at the thought of Larxene, and did her best to put the shrill voice and ringing words out of her mind.

_"If it's anyone's fault, it's yours, kiddo."_

"Kind of like that, yeah," Namine told Kairi.

Kairi let out a long breath, letting herself fall back against the bed. Namine rubbed her fingers together.

"And… and there's this other thing he does," she said, quietly. "When _I'm_ upset. He'll- he'll drop everything just to try and make me happy again, and frankly, it's a little annoying. Makes it hard to have a serious conversation with him."

"I can imagine." Kairi's reply was distracted, and her eyes were fixed on the ceiling. She chewed her bottom lip furiously, deep in thought. "How long's he been doing this?" she asked, though that was just as distracted.

Namine shrugged. It was another thing that was hard to peg out specific occurrences of, but it felt like it'd been happening forever. Perhaps, even, before she was created. Back in the other universe…

"Forever?" she answered Kairi, with another shrug.

"Right."

Kairi said nothing more, just went back to chewing her lip. The thought of joking a little, asking Kairi if she really thought she could glare the answers out of the ceiling, crossed Namine's mind. She pushed it away, though. She'd never been good with jokes like that, plus she didn't want to derail Kairi's train of thought.

It was an agonizing minute of silence before Kairi finally spoke. "So… let me get this straight… You don't want to talk to him about your nightmares partially because he won't listen, but also because it upsets him and you don't want to deal with that. Plus talking about them will make you upset, which makes him do the thing."

Namine thought about that a second, then nodded. "In a nutshell, I guess, yeah."

"Right. Nightmares, or no nightmares, Namine…" Kairi sat up, looking at her very firmly. "You can't be responsible for Riku's happiness. He should be able to do that on his own."

Namine sighed. "I know…"

"You can't go on like this. It sounds exhausting."

_It is… _Namine admitted, silently. She sighed again.

"What do I do?" she asked.

"Talk to him," Kairi replied, like it was obvious.

Namine made a face. That was easier said than done. She had to tell him about her nightmares first, anyway. And what would she say to him? She'd have to think about it…

"Can you believe it's _May _already?" Kairi asked, changing the subject. "It feels really weird."

"I guess, yeah…" Namine said, distractedly. The problem, in a lot of ways, was bringing it up to Riku while they were alone. They had their own room, of course, but there were still a lot of people in Aerith's house. Even with Tifa and Cloud gone…

"My birthday's tomorrow," Kairi said.

That got Namine's attention.

She turned to look at Kairi, eyes focusing on her this time.

"Is it?"

Kairi nodded. "Yeah. Don't worry about getting me presents or anything, though. It'll be enough if you and Riku just come over. There will probably be cake."

"Were we… _supposed _to get presents?" Namine asked.

Kairi stared at her for a long moment. "Uh. Oh. That's right. You haven't celebrated a birthday before, either." She shook her head a little. "Sora's was back in March, but none of us were around for that…"

"Ah," Namine said, slowly. Now it made a little more sense. Kairi'd had to explain Christmas to her, too, and that had been just as confusing at the time, if not more so.

"Probably best if you don't tell Aerith or anyone, either," Kairi added. "That's part of the reason I didn't bring it up the other night, the other being I forgot. I don't really need them throwing gifts my direction, and you know how Aerith is…"

Namine smiled at that thought. "I won't tell her until after tomorrow, then. She'll probably feel bad for missing it, but she won't make everyone buy you gifts, at least."

"Right." Kairi stood up, stretching. "I should probably go see what Sora wants, now. You're welcome to stay, but you don't have to."

"I… I think I'll go back to Hollow Bastion." Namine stood up, too, and straightened her skirt. "Lemme know how things go with Sora."

"Try not to put off talking to Riku too long."

"I won't."

_At least not about the nightmares, anyway, can't put those off much longer, _Namine thought._ Maybe I'll try when I get back. I'm sure he'll want to go on a round of the town… not that I'm too keen on going… fighting hasn't exactly been enjoyable, ever since being Rewritten._

_ A walk around town would do, though, I suppose…_

"You gonna use one of those dark corridor things, or you gonna use the front door?" Kairi asked.

"The front door, I guess. It might be a little mean to your dad to just vanish on him."

They headed down the stairs.


	10. Chapter 10

Kairi's birthday party had gone well, not that it was really a _party. _The four of them—Kairi, Sora, Namine, Riku—had just hung out and had cake, really. Sora'd brought her a present, but neither Namine nor Riku had been able to think of anything to get her. Namine'd considered a picture, but hadn't the time to think of anything to draw, nor the time to really draw it, if she had thought of anything.

Namine didn't have the time, didn't take the chance, to tell Riku about her nightmares. She hadn't wanted to on Kairi's birthday, even long after the not-a-party was over and they'd returned to Hollow Bastion. Surely a day more wouldn't hurt. She'd tell him first thing in the morning, after they'd slept.

Riku hadn't even asked if they'd share the bed that night, too, he'd just flopped into Namine's bed. This was the third night they'd be doing it, though, so Namine wasn't horribly bothered, not that she would've been bothered much anyway. She hadn't had a single nightmare since they'd started doing it, and Riku seemed to be sleeping better.

At least, he'd been sleeping better until now.

Namine was jolted awake with a start. Riku wasn't thrashing—yet—but his grip on her had tightened drastically, and his breaths were coming in short gasps, and he was mumbling quite a bit

"I- I didn't do anything… Please, please, _please, _I didn't…"

She tensed.

_Larxene._

"Riku…" she said, slowly. "Riku, it's just a dream…"

She grabbed a hold of his arm, partially to be reassuring, partially just to pull it away from her before he could constrict her breathing entirely. She wanted to sit up so she could reach him better, soothe him better, but it was all she could do to keep him from accidentally suffocating her. His muscles were tight and didn't want to move, and she didn't have near enough space to shift at all, let alone _sit up._

"_Please! _I didn't—"

The words cut off completely, not into a groan, not into a scream, just into silence. Namine swallowed, worried, but was rather thankful he wasn't screaming. They wouldn't wake the whole house, that way.

"It's alright," she whispered, hoping to calm him further, to lull him completely into sleep again. "It's just a dream…"

For a long moment, she was sure it worked. He was still very tense, but his breaths had slowed, and he stopped mumbling. His grip on her didn't lessen, though.

And then he spoke:

"I'll kill her."

The words sent chills down Namine's spine.

"I'll do it," he hissed, malice dripping from his voice. "I will. I'll kill her."

Namine tried not to shudder, though she really couldn't help it. She shifted as best as she could to look at Riku over her shoulder, though she could move very little, and couldn't see him as a result.

_Just a nightmare, _she told herself.

_Just a nightmare?! Wake him up, you idiot! Wake him up and tell him everything. If he really means that—_

But after a moment or two, his breathing had slowed completely, and his grip on her had lessened entirely. She could shift to see him, now, and he looked so peaceful, so serene, that it broke her heart to consider waking him.

_The morning. It won't hurt to wait until morning._

Even so, it was a long time before Namine went back to sleep.

**xxx**

_"Do you want to play a game?"_

_ A shiver went down Sora's spine at the sight of Luxord, smiling over his cards. Sora didn't like that smile. He didn't know much about cards, and even less about gambling, but he'd played enough other games to know that was a smile of a man who anticipated winning. And this game wasn't a game Sora could afford to lose._

_ "I've had enough of your stupid game!" Sora shouted._

_ Shouting was all he could do, though. His limbs were limp, though they still moved, just not of his own accord. Closer examination proved why. Strings were attached to him, like he was a marionette. He followed the strings with his eyes, and found them dangling from the hands of his Shadow._

_ That sight sent another set of chills down his spine, especially the sad look in his Shadow's eyes._

_ He turned his attention back to Luxord, only to find it was Maleficent there instead. In his dream, he didn't even question where Luxord had gone, he hardly even realized anyone but Maleficent had ever stood there._

_ "Fool boy, you'd be better off serving me!" Maleficent called, with a sweep of her staff, preparing for battle._

_ Sora's own limbs moved into a battle stance, though the stance was not his own. Normally he held his Keyblade in both hands, not just one, and he never held it at his side like this. _

_ "I'll never let that happen!" Sora shouted. The words rumbled from deeper within him, and he wasn't exactly sure they were his words._

_ The battle raged in ways that should've been impossible, but ways that felt completely right within a dream. Sora hardly kept track of the battle, anyway, so he couldn't quite pick out was wrong with it if you'd asked. It was just… _wrong.

_"I'm doing this because I love you."_

_ The words reverberated in his skull. The words made the battle stagger, they made time slow to a halt. Sora turned to face his Shadow, and it was like moving through molasses. The strings on his limbs had vanished. His Shadow stood before him, golden eyes wide with terror, with sorrow._

_ "If you love me, then why are you _hurting _me!?" Sora shouted._

_ Even his words seemed to leave his mouth at a snail's pace._

_ "I'm doing this because I love you."_

_ Everything snapped, and he fell. It was a short fall, only to his knees, but everything around him had shifted with it. His Shadow was gone. The nether space he'd been fighting Maleficent in had been replaced, filled with familiar images. The front room of his house. The wooden floor beneath him, scuffed by years and years of sand scraping across it on the bottom of careless shoes on careless feet._

_ He was before his parents, on his knees, crying, begging._

_ "Please, just listen to me. Please, I wouldn't lie to you." _

I'm doing this because I love you.

_His Shadows words still pounded in his mind, so hard he thought they might burst from his head._

_ "Sora, there's no such thing as other worlds!" his mother shouted._

_ "WHY WON'T YOU _LISTEN _TO ME?!"_

I'm doing this because I love you.

_It all clutched at his heart, tugging with an unbearable pain. He thought he would explode. What did his Shadow _mean? _Why wouldn't his parents _listen? _Why—_

_ 'You cannot hide from me.'_

_ That was a different voice, a voice that was more felt than heard. It felt like something was pressing on his mind, like footsteps of a small animal across his skin. Every sight, every sound, every feeling around him and within him dissolved at the arrival of that voice._

_ Suddenly there was only mist around him, a grey mist, and he couldn't tell if he was standing, or if he was floating, or if he was even _really _there. The mist was thin and thick around him at the same time. He could see his hand just fine when he waved it in front of his face, but when he held it at an arm's length in front of him, it vanished. Even so, he could see something in the distance, a dark form, a familiar silhouette._

_ It almost looked like… a wolf._

_ And the shape of it, the _feel _of it was so familiar—_familiar?_—he thought he might weep. _

_ 'If you thought you could hide from me, Mahtas, you were a fool.'_

_ The wolf vanished, then the mist, _and then Sora was awake.

He sat for a long moment, at first not recognizing the sight of his own room around him, nor the feel of his own bed beneath him. Reality drifted back to him so slowly, he feared for a second he might still be a sleep.

_That wolf… was it… was that real?_

It seemed absurd, but the mist had felt like waking between sleeping, those few moments when you were awake but didn't dare open your eyes, didn't dare get out of bed. Did he know the wolf? Something familiar about it tugged at him, but for the life of him, he couldn't _remember _seeing it before. The fact it was in his dreams—along with what it had _said—_scared him more than any other of his nightmares had.

Sora untangled himself from his sheets and staggered to the bathroom. He had to hold onto the walls to keep himself upright.

"_You cannot hide from me."_

The wolf's words.

_Had it been talking to _me? _And, and what had it called me? That word…_

He couldn't summon the word to his mind again, nor a concrete meaning for it. He _thought _he knew what it meant, _maybe, _but when he couldn't remember what he word even _was_…

The feel of hot water on his hands brought him back to his senses. He couldn't even remember turning on the water in the sink, and with a hiss of pain he quickly turned on some cold water to balance the hot out. Normally the hot water wasn't warm enough to scald, unless it'd been left running for some time. Obviously, he had been running it for a while…

Sora shook his head and splashed the water on his face, which is what he'd come in here to do anyway.

_It was just a dream… It had to be!_

He turned the water off, slowly, then looked up into the mirror. It was hard not to cringe at his own features, at a face marred. He hadn't had much access to mirrors for a while after receiving the scar, and was sure it'd be a while from now before he really got used to seeing it.

He rubbed at his cheek with wet fingers. The new skin—much lighter than any of the rest of his skin—stung a little when pulled, but it didn't hurt much otherwise. He let out a long breath, lowering his hand from his face.

_"I'm doing this because I love you."_

Sora gripped the edge of the sink and cried.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN/ **First off, for anyone who is leaving me reviews that only say "update", please stop. It's getting really obnoxious. The reviews are pointless and contribute nothing to the story, and are a waste of both our times. If you want to leave me an actual review, please do, but if all you're going to say is "update", don't even bother. I'm getting real sick of seeing them.

Second off, we've finally hit the Big Sequence! Magik's side of this is in her fic, Remnants, starting in ch61. (Forevermagik13 is her full username, in case you aren't aware of that yet). No, you don't have to read it to understand what's going on, so if you don't want to, you don't have to. There is a reason we wrote it this way, after all.  
>Oh, there are also minor spoilers for magik's fic in this chapter, and I suppose I am obliged to inform you of them.<p>

But, finally, without further adieu, please enjoy my favorite sequence.

* * *

><p>Riku wasn't in the bed next to Namine when she woke up that morning. He wasn't in his bed, either, not that she'd expected him to be. This wasn't <em>exactly <em>strange, of course. It wasn't like he'd _never _gotten up before her before, but…

_"I'll kill her."_

The words he'd said last night. Hissed in her ear as he clutched her like a lifeline. The thought made her blood run cold all over again. She tried to reassure herself. He'd been half asleep, of course, when he'd said it. He was probably just downstairs.

She clutched to that optimism like it was a balloon that would get away the moment she loosened her hold on its string. Slowly, she got up, got dressed, and headed downstairs, heart pounding with anticipation of what she might—or might not—find when she got down there.

The sight she was greeted with when she reached the bottom of the stairs nearly confirmed her worries. Aerith, Leon, Yuffie and Cid were all at the table, eating breakfast. Riku was nowhere to be seen. Namine swallowed. She opened her mouth to ask where Riku was—because maybe he was just on a walk, or doing rounds of the town, or…—but Leon beat her to the question.

"Where's Riku?" he asked.

The blood drained from Namine's face. The optimism didn't just slip from her fingers, it shattered around her.

"What- what do you- do you _mean _he's not here?" she demanded. Her heart pounded in her throat.

_"I will. I'll kill her."_

The words rang in her ears. The images swam in her mind. She had to clutch the stair railing to steady herself.

"So he's _not _asleep?" Yuffie asked.

"Namine… is something wrong?" Aerith asked, over Yuffie.

"Oh no. Oh no _oh no._" Namine's grip tightened on the railing. It was hard to get air into her lungs. "I thought I'd have- I thought I'd have more time I thought… I thought he wouldn't…"

And she'd been a fool to do so. She knew him too well. She knew him _way _too well. He wanted revenge—of course he did—and he had the power to take it. The darkness flooding through his veins… A monster in the back of his mind, biding its time, waiting for the right moment. She'd seen it before, and she knew what fed it.

_"Riku, please, I'm fine!"_

_ "A quick death… that's all I wanted…"_

A hatred for Larxene, harbored in his chest for months.

The power to go after her.

"Namine." Leon's voice was calm. Stern. "Where's Riku?"

The images—so familiar now, after seeing them so many times—repeated in her head.

_Darkness stained walls._

_ Riku, bathed in darkness—_she hated to see that smile on his face.

_A figure, cowering in the corner—_she thought she knew who it was, but she didn't want to admit it just yet. Didn't want to believe it.

"I- I have to go," she said, and opened a dark corridor around herself.

Why had she waited so long to do something?

**xxx**

Finding her hadn't been too hard, not that he'd expected it to be. She ended up being in the World that Never Was, or, what looked like it _used _to be the World that Never Was. The place was in ruins, and darkness stained the walls.

He took a deep breath in, savoring the taste of darkness that filled the air. It was almost as if he could pull from it, too, and not just from the darkness that filled in his own veins.

Larxene was in the remains of the Grey Area, sitting on one of the few couches left, looking a little distressed. The sight brought a smile to Riku's face. She was haggard looking, hairs out of place, her cloak torn. She jumped to her feet when she spotted him. The glare of her golden-green eyes—when had they gained the golden tint?—and the sneer of her lips were harsher than usual, _sharper, _and they should've made Riku cringe. All he did was grin wider.

There was something… _off _about her. Like she didn't quite have it all together.

Darkness sang in his veins, and he nearly laughed from the thrill of it all. She was _slipping. _He'd come prepared to face her at her top form, but he wouldn't have to. Oh, it was his _lucky _day.

"What do you want with me?" she spat.

The way her body tensed was subtle. She was preparing to fight, she just didn't want him to know that. It was a pity he knew her so well.

"Hmm?" her voice flared with annoyance. "Look, it's not _my _fault Xehanort go to Marluxia, so I don't know why you felt the need to hunt me down. And _alone? _Really?" She snorted. "I thought your whole little group worked differently than that."

Riku held up a hand, grinning. "Okay. Hold up." He wasn't sure why this was so _amusing. _It just _was. _"I have _no idea _what you're talking about, and I don't care, either." He was just happy to be here, preparing to fight her. Mainly for his revenge, but it'd been a while since he'd had a good battle, too. He'd been thirsting for one.

Larxene's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about? You were _there._"

Riku considered her a second, then burst out laughing. "Oh! I see! You've mistaken me for R… for… someone else."

The words _Real Thing _buzzed on his tongue, but he swallowed them. He'd let her guess. It'd be _fun _to make her guess. Make her _remember _who he was.

"You're _not _Riku?"

She didn't sound like she believed it.

Riku couldn't keep the grin off his face.

"Well, I am, in a way. But, I suppose, from _your _perspective… no. I'm not."

She studied him long and hard, eyes narrowing into a deeper glare with each passing second. Laughter bubbled at Riku's lips. He didn't say anything more, just watched as the gears turned in her head.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, finally. She scoffed, and it was _angry. _Her face contorted with disgust, like he was a piece of gum she wasn't particularly happy to see on her shoe. "That _Replica _Vexen built. Hmph."

Riku's grin just widened further. Any wider and it'd split his face in two.

Larxene summoned her knives, but she summoned them lazily. "Listen, I don't have _time _for you right now. So if you want to save yourself the trouble, and the _pain _while you're at it, just scoot on out of here. I've got more important things to—"

"IT'S NOT GOING TO END LIKE THAT!" Riku roared. His grin fell. His voice shook. His body trembled. Blood pounded in his ears, and the darkness quickened in his veins, surging through him, feeding on his fury.

"I can _take you,_" he hissed, his voice dropping to a normal level. "I can fight you, and I can _win, _and I can _make you pay._"

Larxene laughed, her normal harsh laugh. Riku shivered at the sound of it.

"I'd like to see you try," she called. She threw the lightning bolt before he could blink—had this been any other time, that would've been all took. One lightning bolt, then he'd be down.

But not this time.

He threw up a wall of darkness to catch the lightning bolt, stopping it long before it could hit him. Once the lightning was neutralized, he tossed the wall aside, and then threw a new blast of darkness at Larxene. It knocked her backwards. She cried out in shock… and anger.

Riku summoned more darkness to his fingertips, donned Dark Mode. Dark Mode wasn't a necessity, of course, but he couldn't resist the familiarity of it in this situation. Nor could he resist the way his skin _tingled, _as if just wearing it made him even _stronger. _The strength was intoxicating. He could win the battle with it. He could do so much _more _than just win.

He threw another blast of darkness at her, and then another, and another. She was quick, but she didn't avoid all of them. She couldn't get a single attack in edgewise, he made _sure _of that. He felt pretty confident he could take at least one lightning bolt, but he wasn't stupid. He knocked her back with darkness every time she neared him.

Soon she was yelling and swearing with frustration. Riku savored the sound of it—this was going so much better than he could've anticipated. Any moment she'd be on the ground. On her knees. _Begging _him to quit.

He jumped back, well out of her reach. He crouched down, using his whole body as a conduit, gathering darkness between his hands. He could _feel _how it warped the air around him, as it grew and spiraled. He waited until it seemed to distort the lighting of the room, and then released it—

The force of it sent him skidding backwards.

The strength of it threw Larxene against the opposite wall.

Riku giggled with excitement. He had her. This was _perfect._

She moved to get up, but another blast of darkness kept her down. Riku made his way towards her, slowly, drawing the whole process out. Larxene kept struggling to get up, and she was swearing something awful. He just threw darkness every time she moved, keeping her down with the repeating blasts.

He couldn't relent now. She never had with him.

"C'mon," he whispered, leaning over her, grinning widely. He pulled more darkness into his hands. Relished in the moment as a brief bit of fear flashed through her eyes.

"Let's see what it takes to make you scream."

**xxx**

"KAIRI! _Kairi!_"

Kairi looked up from the game of cards she and Sora were playing. It had been one of their favorites when they were kids, and they hadn't played it in, well, a long time. Long enough that both of them had all but forgotten the rules, anyway.

"Is that Namine?" Sora asked, with a squinty frown up at Kairi.

"Sounds like it." Kairi got to her feet and hurried to the door to let Namine in before she alerted the whole neighborhood. She couldn't help but chew her lip—what was wrong? And, more importantly, if something was so terribly wrong, why had Namine bothered with the front door?

Kairi hardly even got the door open before Namine started talking, very quickly.

"HE'S GONE HE'S DONE IT HE'S DONE IT."

Kairi grabbed Namine by the shoulders. "Okay. Okay, _slow _down, Namine," she said. "Calmly, now, tell me what's wrong."

"Riku went after Larxene."

Namine's eyes were wide with panic, with terror, and she trembled as Kairi held her.

Kairi blinked. She had no idea what that meant.

"Uh."

"THE NIGHTMARES I WAS HAVING."

That got Kairi to understand. Her brow furrowed immediately with concern, and a little bit of anger.

"You didn't tell him about those?"

"I WAS GOING TO THIS MORNING!" There were tears in Namine's eyes. "I- I should've known better, I- I should've told him sooner I should've told him I just. I don't know. I thought waiting a few more hours wouldn't hurt. I thought—"

"Well, what's done is done," Sora said. He sounded a little frustrated, though, which earned him a startled look from Kairi. Now wasn't the time to deal with it, though, Kairi told herself. Riku was the bigger problem, here.

"We- we need to stop him," Namine gasped. "We- we need to- OH NEVER MIND." She wrenched away from Kairi. "I'll go by myself!" Darkness sparked at Namine's fingertips, preparing to from a dark corridor, Kairi assumed. "It'll be—"

"Oh no you don't!" Kairi grabbed her by the arm. She wasn't sure if it canceled the dark corridor out, but she hoped it would shock Namine enough to delay her forming it. "Sora! Star shard!"

"Uh-huh!" He tossed it to her, and she caught it with expertise.

Just because Namine had insisted that Kairi not talk to Riku about the matter didn't mean Kairi hadn't prepared. Riku was her friend, too. She'd respected Namine's wish to try and stop him herself—partially because she hardly even knew what was going on—but she wasn't going to let him do something stupid and dangerous, and given Namine's previous failure to stop him…

"I'll hold down the fort," Sora called. "Let your dad know where you are 'n stuff."

Namine glared, trying to wrench herself away from Kairi again. Kairi was _quite _glad she'd learned a few things from Tifa about hand to hand combat, because otherwise Namine'd have probably pulled out of her grasp by now.

"Kairi, that's- that's not necessary," Namine said. "I can—"

"Too bad." Kairi activated the star shard.

She wasn't quite sure _where _it dropped them off, but wherever it was was a mess. There was plenty of smoke in the air, and it looked like a few things were—or had been—on fire. She did spot, within moments, a group of very familiar people. A little too familiar. A smile tugged on her lips. Seeing the other universe's Kairi was a little bit of a surprise, but definitely a pleasure, despite the circumstances.

"Well great!" Namine shrieked. "We have no idea where we are! And we're- we're nowhere _near _Riku, _or _Larxene! You should've just let me form a dark corridor—"

Kairi grabbed her very tightly by the wrist to prevent her from trying to form a dark corridor again. "Tifa told me once that star shards take you where you _need _to be, not where you _want,_" she explained, slipping the star shard into her pocket for safe keeping. That done, she gestured at the Other Kairi, to prove her point. They were at least in the right universe. "Besides, I don't like those dark corridors anyway."

Namine looked like she wanted to say something, but she never did. She also looked like she was going to be sick. Thankfully, for the moment at least, she didn't do that either.

"What's going on with Riku and Larxene?" the Other Kairi asked, having reached them.

Namine sent a glance at her. She seemed to calm a little, at least past anger, but she was trembling again.

"He's- he's gone and gotten it into his head that he needs to- to kill Larxene," Namine explained, tripping a little over the words. Her voice was tight with emotion. "_Your _Larxene. The one who- who…" She spluttered, then grunted—or growled_, _though Kairi had a hard time believing Namine _growling_—with annoyance. She'd gone a shade paler.

"Has he found her? Do you know?" Namine—well, not Namine. The Other Namine—asked. There was genuine worry, and urgency, in her tone. Her eyes shone with understanding.

Namine—the actual Namine. _Kairi's _Namine?—shook her head. "No. He just went tearing off and by the time I'd told Kairi…"

The Other Namine didn't let her finish. "Then we need to get moving," she said. She looked like she might be sick, too, and whipped her head around as if looking for someone.

"We?" Namine about squeaked with surprise. Then she groaned—no, that was _definitely_ a growl. "Oh, this would've been so much faster if I'd gone by myself!"

"They can _help,_" Kairi said, annoyed. The Other Namine knew Riku, too, didn't she? It wouldn't hurt having her. It wouldn't hurt having _any _of them. Extra hands would be nice. Kairi was pretty sure she and Namine alone could hold Riku, but what about this Larxene he was going after? She was dangerous, wasn't she? Too dangerous to trust that they could handle her and Riku without help, certainly.

_I wish Sora would've come… oh, but he has his reasons. His parents, for starters. If he's having difficulty explaining other worlds to them, certainly another _universe _would be too much. …does _Sora _even know there's another universe? Well, he must know, but has he met anyone from it?_

_ Come to think of it, has _Namine _met anyone from—no, now is not the time!_

"What's going on now?"

Kairi's heart skipped a little at the voice. Sora. No. No, _not _Sora. This universe's Sora. Goodness, he was tall. And was that _Riku _with him? His _hair _was atrocious!

_Not that our Riku's is any—stop with the bunny trails already, Kairi! Stay focused!_

"No time to explain!" she said, before she could distract herself further, or before she could say anything to embarrass herself. She was normally better than that, but being near this universe's Sora was putting her on edge. "They already know what's up." She nodded at the Other Namine and Kairi.

"We need to go save Riku from himself, it would seem," the Other Namine said, so quietly Kairi barely heard her.

"Well, we're somewhat caught up with Marlynort…" Sora—the _Other _Sora—began.

Kairi raised her eyebrows, not sure what in the Worlds a _Marlynort _was, but… oh, there wasn't time to ask! She tightened her grip on Namine's wrist. Namine was struggling enough that Kairi was worried she might try and slip off again.

"Not all of us need to go," the Other Kairi said. "Namine and I can go. And Riku."

Kairi wasn't sure when—or why—the Other Riku had been added into the mix, but alright. It couldn't hurt. Could it? There wasn't time to protest, either. They needed to go!

_If at least, before Namine manages to break from my grasp and goes tearing off on her own!_

The Other Sora and Kairi finished discussing a bit more plans. Kairi bit her lip to keep herself from yelling to hurry it up. Finally the Other Kairi turned to look at her and Namine.

"Well, let's go," she said.

She looked determined. Both Namines looked a little queasy, and a little angry. The Other Riku looked like he might be a little confused, but he said nothing about it. Kairi pulled out the star shard again, and nodded.

"Let's go," she agreed.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN/ **right, so this is a day later than magik's chapter (ch63 of Remnants) went up, but magik uploaded a slew of chapters at a rather late time of night. But regardless! Updates should be on schedule again from here on out. There are also some ASAS chapters and other oneshots I've uploaded during the past week, so maybe you should check those out! I hope you'll enjoy.

* * *

><p>Something squeezed Namine's stomach the moment she laid her eyes on the scene before her. They'd found Riku, and that was good. Nothing else was. The scene was so familiar she almost relaxed—if only it had been less horrifying.<p>

The darkness stained walls… This was the World that Never Was, though, and not Castle Oblivion, like she'd initially predicted. An easy mistake to make, admittedly…

Riku was advancing on Larxene, grinning, laughing. The darkness was so strong around him that it was _visible, _all the energy in the area directed at him and _through _him.

Larxene was up against the wall, cowering—_was_ she cowering? Namine couldn't care about that detail. Seeing Riku was enough. She didn't care who he was going after. She wrenched herself away from Kairi and threw herself in front of Riku.

"Riku, no!" she cried.

This was too much. This was too far. She knew what Larxene had done to him—of course she did. She knew it as well as he did—but this wasn't _justified. _No amount of pain could justify this. No amount of hurt.

The thought just brought tears to her eyes. This was the reason she'd been so hesitant to tell him about her nightmares. Telling him not to do this was one thing, but having to explain why she didn't want him to? Telling him that all his pain—all that pain—didn't justify this? He'd assume she meant his pain didn't mean anything at all, which _wasn't _true, but he was stubborn enough as it was…

_And with the darkness, too… _Namine thought, with a constricted chest._ I'd nearly forgotten about it, forgot what it could do to him. It's been so long since I've seen him use it anywhere but in my nightmares…_

Riku paused, the gleam falling out of his eyes. His face scrunched up with confusion. His lips turned down in anger, and his whole stance suggested he might just attack anyway, despite her standing there.

"Namine…" he began.

"Are you trying to protect me?" Larxene asked, from behind. Namine shivered. Larxene's voice—the slight laugh in her tone—was awful to hear, even when she was in this position.

"N-n-no," Namine stammered. She braced her hands out in front of her, prepared to throw Riku back if she had to. She was protecting Larxene, in a way, she supposed, but it wasn't fully in her intention to. Her intentions all surrounded Riku. Protecting Larxene was an unfortunate, but necessary, repercussion.

"Then what _are _you doing?" Riku demanded. His eyes narrowed.

Namine had to swallow to keep her heart out of her throat.

"I'm- I'm protecting—" She had to stop and re-gather her words. Speaking to Riku made her heart thud too loud. She turned her words around, tried again. "I'm protecting him from the monster you made in him, Larxene."

Why was addressing Larxene so much easier than addressing Riku? Why was she so worried about him being angry at her? If she should be worried about anyone's temper, she should be worried about Larxene's. But. Then again…

Larxene only burst out laughing. Anger flared across Riku's features. His hand raised to strike, though he still hesitated. For now. There was a dangerous gleam in his eyes that nearly made Namine choke.

"I think Vexen's to blame for that, not me!" Larxene called.

Namine swallowed, wanting to laugh. That's when Riku shoved her aside and started at Larxene, a growl tearing from his mouth. Kairi was there to stop him, using a blast of light to knock him back.

Once he was on the ground, Kairi sent out another—larger—blast of light. It tingled against Namine's skin as it passed her, filled the whole room. Larxene cried out in what sounded like pain, but she stifled it quickly.

The light faded. Kairi staggered. The Other Kairi rushed to catch her so she wouldn't fall.

"Careful there," she warned.

"Drat," Kairi mumbled. "I was hoping it'd make the air a little more bearable to breathe."

"I… don't think it works like that," the Other Kairi told her, laughing slightly and pulling her out of the immediate line of fire. "Mm… maybe I could try and give you some tips on—"

The area exploded with ice.

**xxx**

With all the ice, and how _cold _the room had gotten, Riku almost feared Vexen had shown up. He found, when he looked up, that Larxene was restrained by the ice, and more importantly, discovered it wasn't Vexen. It was just a very large Blizzaga thrown by Namine. Or. No. Namine was on the ground. It was thrown by the… Other… Namine…

Oh…

Having Namine here was bad enough. Having Namine—the _Other _Namine—was even worse. _Plus _Kairi (two Kairis) and Real Thing? Riku about screamed in frustration. They were _ruining—_

"Hey."

Namine's voice. Namine's hands, grabbing him by the face. But something didn't feel right… She held him as if he were fragile and her hands had more callouses than they should've. This wasn't Namine—wasn't _his _Namine. Her face was narrower, her hair longer, her eyes darker.

The air caught in his lungs. Why was she doing this? She'd never done it before. She'd never—

"One," she said.

Riku stared.

"What?"

"Come on, Riku. One."

She still stumbled over his name like the sounds didn't belong in her mouth. But at least he knew what she was trying to get him to do now. His heart ached from the horrible familiarity of it.

"I don't need to count," he protested.

"Your head needs clearing. One."

"It does _not—_"

"One."

He grunted. "Namine, please." There were more important things to be worried about. That Blizzard spell wouldn't last forever—he should go after Larxene _now, _while she was incapacitated, forget everyone else. Darkness wouldn't negate the Blizzard. He could finish up and… "Just let me—"

"_One._"

The firmness of her voice was too much to resist. He let out a huffy breath from his nostrils, but repeated after her.

"Fine. One."

"Two…"

They kept repeating like that. A trick to clear his head—to clear both of their heads. It'd been months, or maybe a year now, since they'd last done this. Normally it was the other way around, too. He'd hold her…

He couldn't get past six.

"Namine, please, I'm fine!" he protested. He appreciated the gesture, really, but his head didn't need clearing. He knew what he was doing.

"Six," she repeated, not listening to him.

"Namine!"

"That spell's not going to last forever."

"Which is _why _I need to go get her now! Why are you letting this chance slip by?"

She hated Larxene as much as he did. She had to. Why was she making him count? Why did she think he needed to clear his head? He didn't need to. He just needed to go up and go after Larxene again. Make her pay for what she did. To the _both _of them. Why didn't she _understand _that? She, of all people, should.

"One."

"Ugh no okay. Six. _Six._"

They kept counting.

No one interrupted them, which came as a little of a surprise. Not even Larxene tried—though maybe her mouth was frozen, too.

"Riku, your head's not clearing!"

"Ten," he said, ignoring her. The sooner they were done with this, the sooner he could get back to Larxene.

"_Riku, _don't think I didn't notice. Focus on the numbers, not anything else. Forget about Larxene. Like we used to do. _Please._"

It was instinct to listen to her. To pause. Take a breath. Clear his mind.

But he didn't… _have _to listen to her. She may have been the girl he swore to protect, the first girl he ever loved, but she held no sway over him. Not anymore. The numbers were hardly a distraction. His mind kept churning.

The girl he swore to protect… why wouldn't she let him avenge her?

Larxene _deserved_ it. She _deserved _this pain she _needed _to feel how she'd made them feel. It was only fair. Why did Namine's grip just tighten on him? Why'd she continue counting with a fierce determination, like it really would solve their troubles this time? There weren't any troubles to solve. Everything was fine.

The sound of ice shattering caught his ears. He wrenched himself away from her, rougher about it than he ever would've been before. He had to move now. Get Larxene before she got the upper hand. He couldn't give her any openings.

But he was reckless, and he made his biggest mistake.

He got too close to her.

It didn't matter that the darkness cloaked him, flowed through him and out of him in streams. It didn't matter how much fury and pain he fueled into the attack. The moment he took a step too close was the moment he let Larxene take her upper-hand.

Instead of throwing the darkness at her from a safe distance, he ran at her and lunged, preparing to wrap his hands around her neck. The second he was in her space, she'd caught him by the throat, and held him there. One—or both—of the Namines yelled from behind him. One of the Kairis swore.

Larxene just grinned. Her eyes glinted with laughter. Her fingers tightened around his neck. He felt the jolt of lightning before it hit him, and the moment he did, he knew he'd lost his chance.

The lightning went up her arm, through her fingers, into his throat and then through the rest of his body. He was sure he screamed, and then she threw him back. Namine—his Namine—watched from a distance. She looked horrified. It made his gut clench. All thoughts of what he planned to do to Larxene nearly fled his mind. Nearly.

Riku pushed himself up, growling. He had to get up before Larxene got any closer—but the moment he was off the ground, someone restrained him by the wrists. Real Thing. Riku growled a little louder, channeling darkness through himself, preparing to force himself free.

Larxene laughed at him. Laughed. At him!

Well, honestly, he wasn't surprised, but that didn't mean he wasn't _annoyed. _The desire to wrap his hands around her neck grew a whole lot stronger.

"That's cute and all kiddo, but do you even have any idea what the darkness is going to do to you?" Larxene took a few steps towards him, drummed her fingers against her chin, _pretending _like she was trying to remember some piece of information. "Because _I _seem to recall something about you missing… a certain few… Darkness Protection protocols."

She sent him a knowing look. His blood ran cold.

"H-how did… you know?" he demanded.

"I don't think that's a question you need to be asking…" Namine said, slowly. The… _Other _Namine. The one from this universe. It felt weird calling her the _Other _Namine, because he knew her so well, and she didn't seem very other to him. Anyway.

He considered what she said for a moment… maybe she was right. Larxene had been _there _in Castle Oblivion, when he was created. Just because she didn't have a hand in his creation or anything didn't mean she'd never had a chance to look at his data. Or Vexen could've told her…

"What's this about Darkness Protection protocols?" Real Thing asked. He seemed a little worried.

"They keep darkness from eating a Replica from the inside out, from what I gathered. Vexen was too stupid to install them." Larxene said. She smiled unpleasantly.

"He didn't have time," Riku snapped. Defending Vexen was a weird feeling, but there was no taking it back now. Unfortunately. "Besides, I'm quite grateful for it. If he'd installed them, I wouldn't have anywhere near the amount of power I have now."

He poured more darkness out of his body, as some sort of display. Real Thing's grip on him only tightened. He'd have to throw darkness _at _Real Thing to get him to let go, at this point.

"Didn't Vexen say that the darkness could kill you?" Kairi asked.

Gee, what a _great _time to bring that up. Not.

(The way Real Thing tensed behind him only proved it. Now was the _worst _time to mention that.)

"He said I had a few months!" Riku protested. His eyes settled on Larxene again. Though he couldn't see it, the glint in his eyes matched the glint in hers perfectly, and her smile echoed on his face. "Why else do you think I'm here now?" he asked. "I'm getting this taken care of while I can, so I can have no regrets later. There's nothing I'd regret more than not taking my change to get revenge."

"And revenge is going _so _well for you," Larxene said.

His smile fell to a snarl.

"OH SHUT UP!" he screamed.

With a blast of darkness he wrenched himself away from Real Thing's grasp and threw himself at her. Someone grabbed him from behind, halfway into his lunge. A pair of small arms. Namine. _His _Namine.

"LET ME GO!" He struggled against her, not caring if the darkness he threw hurt her. "LET ME GO LET ME GO! I WANT TO HEAR HER SCREAM I WANT TO HEAR HER BEG FOR MERCY I WANT TO—"

"Tough _luck,_" Larxene spat.

She hurled a blast of darkness at them, sending him out of Namine's arms and to the floor again.

"Did you actually think you were _doing _anything?" Larxene laughed. "You can't _seriously _be that stupi… Oh. Wait. Yeah you can."

He pushed himself up as best as he could, glaring, trying to process what had just happened, what she was saying. That was _darkness _she'd thrown at him, so it didn't hurt him too much, but… If she'd thrown darkness…

_Did you actually think you were doing anything?_

All adrenaline, all excitement, all feeling of hope that Riku'd had left him entirely. He hadn't actually hurt her with all that darkness.

"What do you mean?" Kairi—the Other Kairi—demanded.

Larxene grinned widely. It was off, somehow, but not in a good way. Riku wasn't quite sure how to describe it. She'd been _off _this whole time… this was different. The grin was genuine, and just as cruel, it just wasn't _her _grin. Her lips never quite curled like that, her eyes were never that wild.

"_This _is what happens when darkness consumes a _person,_" Larxene explained. The darkness seemed to build around her. "I have it to my advantage now. And as for _you, _you silly little toy…" she giggled "…well, I've already said that it's only going to _eat, you, up._"

If the darkness had consumed her, then he hadn't been hurting her. Darkness didn't hurt darkness, after all. Riku snarled, frustrated at his own stupidity. Frustrated at these circumstances. At her. At everything. Darkness had been his ally. Why had it let him down?

"FINE!" he yelled, jumping to his feet again. His blade appeared in his hand—he'd hardly taken the time to summon it. "There are other ways I can make you scream—"

"Riku, no!"

Namine's hands, clutching at him again.

"Just let me do this!" he roared, pushing her off. "I _need _to do this!"

"_No!_" It was Kairi's hands, grabbing him now, pulling the blade out of his grasp. "You _don't _need to do this."

"_She deserves it!_"

"Maybe she does, but you don't deserve what this is doing to you."

The gentleness of Kairi's voice nearly brought tears to his eyes. The tears made him angry. There was nothing wrong with him. There was nothing too horrible about what he was doing. It was justified. His heart was fine. His data may be at risk but that had nothing to do with this.

"We need to go," this universe's Namine called. "He's too stubborn—"

Riku's teeth clenched. She was right. She was wrong. He tried to pull himself away from Kairi, but too many people seemed to be holding him where he was. Maybe it was only Kairi and his Namine. Maybe it was more than that. He couldn't tell. He didn't care.

"_Let me at he—_AHGH!"

The yell of anger quickly became a cry of pain. Something that burned like lightning but felt like darkness hit him, and again he was thrown near halfway across the room. He thought he heard his Namine scream. Kairi might've screamed too. It was hard to tell. Something was—

He screamed again, kept screaming.

Something felt like it was ripping in his chest.

Footsteps. Someone standing in front of him, protecting him. The click of Larxene's heels pausing. Namine was standing before him, he could just _feel _her presence, despite the fact he couldn't make his body do anything but stare up at the ceiling as he writhed in pain. The familiarity about choked him. It had to be Namine—the Other Namine. Not his Namine.

The tone of Larxene's voice only proved it. She wouldn't speak like this if she were addressing anyone else.

"You better move," she warned.

She was laughing, but she was annoyed. The laughter was angry, sharp. The sound of it made Riku's blood boil. He knew what was coming.

_Move! _he wanted to scream. _Move, I'm not worth it! I'm not worth it MOVE!_

His lips wouldn't work. His body refused to move except to shudder with pain. _Something _was clawing its way through him. He felt like it would kill him. Everything inside of him was on fire, and it wasn't from the lightning. Lightning didn't hurt like this. Lightning didn't last this long. It felt like something was _destroying _every inch of him from the inside out.

It was a wonder he could even focus on anything but the pain.

"No!" this universe's Namine said, firmly.

"Oh, please." Larxene scoffed. "He means nothing to you. Are you really going to take a blow for him? I won't hold back."

"I'm not backing down."

The pain in Riku's chest finally subsided to something bearable. He grit his teeth together, preparing himself for her inevitable scream, but it didn't come. His Namine screamed instead, and that was followed by the sound of her body hitting the floor. Had she thrown herself in front of the blow? _Why?_

He didn't have much time to wonder, or to ask. One of Kairi's hands clasped around his arm. The world jolted from under him. When everything stopped jostling, he was on his side in the sand. Everyone but Larxene was there, too, all looking disgruntled and most of them on the ground.

Waves pounded in the distance. His eyes searched for Namine. He found her on her back, clutching at her chest and writhing.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN/ **Magik's side of this is at Remnants ch67. I also made a mix specifically for FtPverse RepliNami (my Riku, magik's Namine), and now that we're at this chapter, I can officially announce it. You can find it along with me gushing about FtPverse RepliNami on the FtPverse blogspot.

And since magik got sappy in her chapter, I guess I'll get sappy in mine: I'm so _so _so glad we got to work on this, and that this sequence was able to happen. I'm so glad that all of this got to happen.

* * *

><p>Namine clutched her hands in front of her chest and bit her lip. She was still in quite a bit of <em>pain, <em>but it also appeared to be fading. For the most part. It took her a second to register the shouts of _Curaga! _followed by the healing energy seeping through her bones. It took her a second longer to realize _that _was why the pain had faded.

Before she even had time to sit up or take in her surroundings—past the sand that stuck to her skin—someone was shouting.

"How could you be so _stupid!?_"

The Other Namine.

Shouting at _her._

Namine sat up straight, hands clutching into fists. "_You _were going to take it!" she shouted back. "What's it matter that I pushed you out of the way?"

"I had it under control!"

"Did you really?" the Other Riku asked. His voice was filled with a bitter laughter—an all too familiar sound.

The Other Namine grimaced as if there were something foul in her mouth.

"It's _fine,_" Namine said. "_I'm _fine."

"That should've been _me—_and what's it matter to you who took it as long as Riku didn't?" She jerked her head over in Riku's—not "Real Thing"'s—direction, just to clarify who she was talking about. Not that she had to.

Namine let out a short bark of anger. "I didn't do it to save _him! _I did it to save you!"

The air around them froze.

Namine went pale, realizing the words that had just left her mouth. It was true, of course—she'd never doubted it was true. She'd _known _from the moment she took the blow _why _she was doing it. But she hadn't intended to _admit _it.

"_What?_" the Other Namine demanded.

"I- I dunno," Namine stammered, her confidence—and anger—quickly lost. She shook her head in exasperation. "I just… I couldn't bear the thought of you getting hurt." The words felt funny in her mouth. The silence that settled after them was thick on her skin, so she laughed to fill it. "Chalk it up to being built from his data," she said, trying to lighten the mood. She nodded her head over at Riku.

The Other Namine stared, blinking rapidly. She said nothing. No one else did either. Namine tried to hold the other Namine's gaze for a moment, but it was a hard look to bear. Especially with the knowledge of what she'd done—taking the blow to protect _her_, and not Riku…

Namine tore her gaze away. Searched to find her Riku.

He was on his side, looking like he was probably in a lot of pain too. He kept trying to push himself up, but his arms didn't have the strength to support his weight yet. His eyes were wide, whether with shock or worry, Namine wasn't sure.

"Are you _alright?_" Kairi asked, breaking Namine's attention.

"Fine," Namine said, not sure if she meant it. She swallowed, running her fingers over her collar bone, where it hurt the most. From the looks of it, her skin was darker in that spot, marred by the darkness of the blow. Her shirt had been torn a little, too.

"Are you _sure_?" Kairi pressed.

Namine met her eyes, and nodded, firmly. She was sure now. "Yeah. I'm fine. It- it still stings a little but… I'm fine."

The Other Kairi studied her. "Well, from the looks of it, it didn't break skin or anything, so there's only… darkness to worry about…" Her mouth crinkled with distaste.

"I can try to—" Kairi began.

"It's _fine, _look." Namine moved her hand and tilted her neck a little so Kairi could see better. "It's mostly faded already. I don't think I'm in _serious _danger or anything."

Her eyes found the Other Namine again. Her mouth ached to say _it was nothing, _that she wasn't even really _hurt. _The mark on her skin proved otherwise. Even if she was "fine", it hadn't been _nothing _to throw herself in front of the blow like that.

The Other Riku cleared his throat. "Destiny Islands, huh?" he asked. He was on his feet, staring out at the sea. "Wasn't exactly expecting here, Kairi."

"First place that came to mind," the Other Kairi answered.

The Other Riku just nodded, scanning the horizon a moment more. Then he turned back to the group. "More importantly…" he said, slowly. "What are the chances of Larxene following us?"

"High," Riku croaked.

The Other Namine shook her head. "She won't- She won't track us here, not right away," she said. "It'll take her a while to track us down at all."

"It's me she'll come after…" Riku moaned. He rolled over onto his back, burying his face in his hands. He didn't sound nearly as confident in himself as he had mere minutes ago. Namine couldn't blame him—at least, not for the lack of confidence. For other things… well…

"Can she find you if you're in the other universe?" the Other Kairi asked.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"I… wouldn't put it past her to _try…_" the Other Namine said. "But… does she even know that there _is _another universe?"

"I wouldn't count on her not knowing," the Other Riku said. "It's not like she can't find out. I'm sure one of the Vexen Replicas over here will squeal if she, uh… _persuades _them."

Namine was caught between laughing and shivering at the suggestion. Larxene's methods of persuasion were, well…

"Might buy us some time, though… won't it?" Kairi looked around.

The Other Namine nodded. "At least until we can do something about her over here, yes."

"Then we should head back as soon as possible." Namine didn't hesitate before saying it. There were a lot, _a lot, _of things she wanted to talk to Riku about, but they could wait until they were home. Until he was safe.

The Other Riku shook his head. "I think we have a few things to discuss, first."

Everyone's eyes trailed over to Riku. Namine's heart caught in her throat. Of course. Everyone wanted to talk to him, just as much as she wanted to. She'd been silly not to realize that.

Riku slowly sat up, realizing that everyone's attention was on him. He said nothing, even though he looked like he was burning to do so. He just eyed each of them, _daring _them to call him out.

Namine took a deep breath, trying to piece any words she wanted to say together. What did she want to say? _"This was too far"—_of course, but it was surprisingly hard to make herself look him in the eye as she thought it, let alone get her mouth to form the words. She knew why he did it. How much it meant to him. The thought of telling him his feelings were wrong—though it was his actions that were wrong, not his feelings, but he wouldn't see it like that—near paralyzed her with fear.

"Well," the Other Namine began. Namine sighed with relief. She didn't have to speak first. She could let her words churn in her mind a little more, as she tried to figure out what to tell Riku. …if only she didn't have to do it _here_.

"I can understand _why _you did it," the Other Namine continued. "What I think you don't realize is that you're now running the risk of…" she trailed off. Her mouth worked for words for a second, before stopping. It was nice to know she was just as tongue-tied, speaking to him, Namine supposed. Or was it terrifying?

The Other Riku spoke up. "The main point of this is that you have _way _too much darkness coursing through your veins." He shook his head, grimacing. "I felt it myself…"

Namine watched Riku—her Riku—as his face scrunched up with fury. Having the Other Namine be angry at him seemed to upset him enough as it was, but it was like he couldn't take the same sort of disapproval from the real Riku. That, or he cared less when it came to screaming at Real Thing.

"Are you all just going to sit here and berate me?" Riku demanded.

"That's not what we're _trying_ to do," the Other Namine assured him, quickly. Too quickly. It made Namine's stomach churn. "We just want you to understand the consequences of your actions—"

"The consequences of my actions are that Larxene _dies!_" Riku about screamed when he spoke. "What's the problem with that, huh? I thought you would've _wanted _that."

_ I do, _Namine thought, though he hadn't spoken to her. Not directly, anyway. _But… this…?_

This moment. This feeling in her stomach. Watching him like he was a bomb about to go off—the worst part, he was. One wrong word, and he'd explode on all of them. _This, _she didn't want.

"That's not the point," the Other Kairi said. "We all want her gone, too. And trust me, we will make sure she goes. But toying with her and wanting to make her beg for mercy… isn't that exactly what she did to you?"

Riku's face darkened. His fists sparked, just slightly, with darkness. _One wrong word._

"It would've been _fine _if she hadn't been immune to darkness…" he grumbled.

Except it wouldn't have been fine.

"You're not immune to darkness yourself," Real Thing countered.

Riku growled. "Vexen said I had a few months!"

"I think we should go back to Castle Oblivion and have that checked out," Kairi said.

Namine shot a look at her, confused. Hadn't Riku mentioned something about Vexen—or anyone—not being able to do something about his darkness for a while? She hadn't _been _there for the initial discussion about it, of course (being… well, _Rewritten _and all…), but 7 had mentioned it, and she and Riku had talked about it. A little.

Riku growled some more and swore under his breath. Namine sighed. If anything, they needed to get back to Castle Oblivion so she could ask _someone—_preferably Vexen—what state Riku's darkness was _really_ in. He hadn't been very forthcoming past the "yes it's dangerous" and "no it can't be fixed right now". Though, if Larxene was to trust, it was definitely more than just "dangerous".

Why hadn't he told her how deadly it actually was? Did he think she wouldn't care? Or did he just not want to worry her? Knowing him…

_Then again, it's not like _you _were very forthcoming with him, either, _she scolded herself. She tried to ignored the pang in her chest at the thought, shaking her head to clear it.

"…important thing is that you _don't _turn into the monster Larxene is," the Other Namine was saying. Of course, words like those caught Namine's attention. That was exactly what she'd been wanting to tell Riku. If the Other Namine told him, then… maybe she wouldn't have to—but would the words mean as much to him coming from the Other Namine?

The Other Namine pressed on: "If you want to help us take care of her, I'm sure we can work something out. But revenge is not the answer."

Riku threw his hands over his ears and dug his fingers into his head. "Why is that all anyone _tells me?!_" he screamed. Namine flinched back from him, even though she knew he wouldn't hurt her, knew she wasn't even close enough for it to be a problem even if he would. The darkness swelled around Riku as he kept screaming, mocking: "Revenge isn't the answer! _Revenge isn't the answer! Revenge isn't—_"

"Because we care about you," Namine interrupted. Words to calm him. To tame the beast in him. She hated the fact that she had to even do this…

_If you hate it so much, then just don't do it!, _she told herself, furious.

But that wasn't an option.

"Yes," Riku said. His tone was bitter. Sharp. "Yes _you_ do—though I haven't heard a word about this come out of your mouth until now—but them?" He gestured in the Other Namine's and Other Riku's direction. Had the Other Kairi not been on his left, he might've gestured at her too. "What do _they _care?"

"Because it involves our Larxene, and our universe," the Other Kairi answered.

"Because it's dangerous," the Other Riku said. "You're on the verge of _accidently killing yourself, _from the sounds of it, and I know _I _can't just sit by and let you do that."

"Because if you think I don't care about you, you're stupid." The Other Namine met his eyes. Her voice didn't waver at all.

There was a long silence. Namine forgot to breathe, waiting for how Riku'd respond. _Fearing _how Riku'd respond.

"I'm _stupid?_" he asked. There was a pause, and then he laughed—that bitter laugh of his, even though it was softer and quieter than usual. The pain in his eyes was near unbearable. "Really? It's not like you've ever given me a reason to think you cared about me before. All those times you could've thrown yourself in front of me?—and yet you didn't before now."

"That was then and this is _now!_" the Other Namine didn't shout, but she sounded like she wanted to. "I've changed since then. _You've _changed since then."

"So… what? You've changed and suddenly decided to start caring about me?" Riku asked. He didn't shout, either, but there was a hostility in his tone.

The Other Namine shook her head. "Honestly, I'm just glad you're _alive. _I moved on. You moved on…" Her voice darkened. "But _unlike you, _I got over my fear of Larxene and stood up to her—not to say that I wasn't completely terrified—and standing up to you was _nearly _as bad. But I didn't try to make her re-live all the pain she put _us _through. Because, admit it, that's just too cruel for either of us."

There they were. All the words Namine wanted to say, laid out in the air before her. She didn't even have to say them. All she had to do was confirm them. Nod. Say she believed the same.

"Hmph." Riku grimaced, folding his arms across his chest. Clearly _he _didn't think much of what the Other Namine'd said.

"She's right…" Namine muttered. She looked at the sand in front of her instead of at him.

"What?"

There was surprise in his voice. Hurt?

"Never mind."

She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to have this conversation. Not now. Not here. Not _ever _if she was honest. She just…

"Namine!" Kairi scolded.

Namine tensed. "I said never mind."

"Oh come _on, _Namine," Kairi said. "You can't keep doing this! You can't keep—"

"Kairi… please…"

She didn't want to have this argument now. She didn't want to be here now. Five pairs of eyes watching her. The air bristling between them. Not even the sound of the waves in the distance was a comfort. Nothing here was a comfort.

"Look, I'd tell him for you, but this is something you need to say—" If only Kairi'd stop talking…

"What?" Riku asked. "What does she need to say?"

"Nothing." Namine gripped the edges of her skirt. She hunched her shoulders, and still didn't look up at Riku.

"Namine, come on, I know you couldn't tell him about the nightmares, but—"

"Nightmares?" Riku interrupted. Namine was a little relieved. She could handle discussion about those. Probably. "Is that what you've been having nightmares about? _This?_"

He sounded surprised. Hurt. Angry…

"Well—"

"Why didn't you _tell me_?!"

_Hurt._

"I _tried _to, Riku, but you wouldn't listen and…"

"_And?_"

"I WAS SCARED!" she screamed. She was tired of holding it in. Tired of all of this.

"…_what?_"

The anger fled Riku's voice. The hurt remained etched on his face. Namine swallowed, fumbling for the words. She couldn't back out again. She couldn't turn back now, and it about killed her. This was the last thing she wanted to be doing.

"I was scared- I-" she stammered. "You were… you were scaring me."

Riku turned away, his face scrunching up in pain. He raked a hand through his hair. He looked on the verge of tears—on the verge of collapsing entirely.

"I'm- I'm sorry."

The words should've comforted her. Appeased her. All they did was tick her off. She was tired of him stopping everything he was doing—feeling—just to apologize to her. The words were rarely _sincere, _anyway, just said to please her. She was so _tired _of it. So tired of _this._

"For what?" she demanded.

"For scaring you."

He didn't miss a heartbeat.

"And for Larxene?"

Neither did she.

"What's that matter?" Riku asked, squinting at her in confusion.

She swallowed, preparing her words. "Riku—"

He didn't give her the chance. "Why do you all care so much about her? Huh? I didn't actually _hurt _her—"

"But you _wanted _to!" Namine countered. "And you were _going _to, and had she not been immune to the darkness- the- the things you would've _done _to her…"

She couldn't repeat them. Couldn't give life to the images she'd seen in her dreams, the voices she'd heard for weeks. They were too horrible to dwell on, let alone _recount. _

"She _deserved _it!" Riku yelled. "Didn't she? Didn't she _deserve _to feel the pain she put me through—put _us_ through?" He sent a look over at the Other Namine.

She shook her head. "_No one _deserves that. Not even Larxene."

"And only- only _monsters _do that to other people," Namine added. Her stomach squeezed itself as she said it. She thought she might be sick. "Only- only _monsters _force that kind of pain on someone—only monsters like Larxene. And- And Riku… Riku you are so much _better _than her. I- I want to _believe _you're so much better than her…"

She swallowed the bile in her throat. _He's not a monster—_that's what she wanted to think. But there were times… There were times that Riku was _so much _of a monster. There were times when he was so much like Larxene. So many times when he'd gone out of his way to anger someone else just to see them rage—and _enjoy _it. So many times…

"…you think I'm a _monster_?" Riku asked. His voice cracked. Any other emotion he'd worn before had shattered. Now it was just pain. Like she'd broken his heart in two.

_And in so many ways… Maybe I have…_

The thought was too much too bear, and she couldn't answer his question. She wanted to tell him no. She _wanted _to tell him no, but…

Him standing above Larxene like that, laughing as she cowered…

Other times, she'd seen him, and she'd never been sure if it was just the darkness or if it was him. There were so many bad habits he'd learned from Larxene—why should she assume cruelty _wasn't _one of them?

Why should she assume that it was only the darkness, and not at least partially him?

"Namine…"

She had to look away from him, bit her lip to keep the words _"no of course I don't" _from spilling from her mouth.

"The- the darkness—" he began.

"Is not entirely responsible for your actions," the Other Riku broke in. "Did it contribute? Oh, I'm sure. But some of this was you."

"I- I just… I just… N-_Namine…_"

She shook her head. Pulled at the edges of her skirt, not that there were any loose threads to occupy her fingers. The skirt was brand new, after all.

"I- I don't really- don't really wanna talk about it right now." She didn't have the energy to raise her voice above a mumble. "I don't want to be having this conversation right now. I- we… we need to go home."

"Are you sure…?" Kairi asked.

"I- I need to have 7… have him look at this," Namine said, rubbing the wound on her chest.

"Oh, right, I nearly forgot." The Other Kairi handed her a potion. "Take this. It should help."

There was no point refusing, so Namine just took it and nodded her thanks. She let Kairi help her to her feet, and then grabbed Kairi by the shoulder, so Kairi could use her other hand to grab Riku.

"Namine," he said again, not budging. "_Please…_"

"Come on or I'm leaving you here," Kairi said. She held a hand out to him.

After a moment, he took it. Goodbyes were said—all brief. Namine kept her eyes on the ground the whole time. She could feel Riku's gaze burn into her, even when Kairi activated the star shard and they were whisked back to their universe.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN/ **Just so you know, there will not be a chapter commentary for this chapter.

* * *

><p>When the sand crunched beneath her feet, Namine almost feared the star shard hadn't worked. It was only with the realization that the three of them were the <em>only <em>ones in sight that she thought better of the fear. Of course it'd worked. Kairi'd just taken them to _their _Destiny Islands.

"Why here…?" Namine asked, looking up at Kairi. She avoided Riku's gaze entirely—avoided looking at him at all.

"I could guarantee getting us to the right universe if I aimed here," Kairi replied. "It is home, after all."

Namine nodded, letting go of Kairi. She took a step back and nearly tripped over her own feet.

"Namine…" Riku began again.

Namine flinched. Looked down at the sand. Not at him. Her mind spun for ways she could avoid this conversation. She supposed she could just from a dark corridor around herself, but it just… It didn't feel right. Except… what else was she going to do?

"Riku… I just…"

"Riku, I think Namine wants to talk to me," Kairi interrupted. "So shoo shoo and give us some privacy."

"But—" Riku protested.

"_Shoo shoo._"

"This will only take a second—"

"And this will only take a minute. Go on. Shoo shoo."

Riku eventually sighed in defeat. He trudged off—not that Namine was sure where he'd eventually go. Kairi watched him, making sure he'd move out of earshot. He surprised both the girls by forming a dark corridor around himself ten paces from them.

"Well, that takes care of that," Kairi said. She turned to Namine. "Well?" she asked. "I know you don't necessarily _want _to talk to me, but since we have the privacy to do so…"

"Thanks," Namine mumbled. She couldn't bear to look at Kairi in the eye, either.

"…you don't have to talk to me," Kairi said, after a moment. "It just didn't look like you wanted to talk to Riku…"

Namine sighed. "I don't," she said. "I should… I just…"

Now she'd worried him. More than worried him. She should really talk to him, to make sure he knew everything was okay… except… everything _wasn't _okay. No, she didn't _really _think he was a monster, and the least she should do is go clarify _that _with him. But, as for everything else…

She was tired of this routine.

"It's… it's _exhausting,_" she mumbled, more to herself than Kairi.

"What is?" Kairi asked.

"This… Me and Riku… It's…" Namine shifted from foot to foot. Tugged at the edges of her skirt. "It's exhausting," she repeated, unsure of what else to say.

It was a relief to say it, though. Like a weight had been lifted from her chest. After a deep breath, she kept going.

"I feel- I feel like I'm being _crushed _by his need for me to be happy. His need to stay in my good graces. I… mmhg…" She smoothed her skirt down—not that it needed smoothing, it was just the action of running her hands down it that soothed her. "I'm so _tired _of it, and- and I know that I basically just told him that I think he's a monster… and…" Her confidence fled. "And maybe I'm… overreacting…."

"Look," Kairi clapped a hand against her shoulder, squeezing it a little. "The way I see it… you _did _just basically call him a monster and he's got every right to be upset about that. But… you said this has been happening forever. Or basically forever. Him being upset about you being upset, I mean."

"Yeah," Namine agreed, not that she'd needed Kairi to specify. She sighed. "I think it'd be a little easier to stomach if I didn't always feel like he was more upset about me _being_ upset than _why _I was upset…"

Kairi squeezed her shoulder a little tighter. Namine grimaced.

"Because, I mean, I don't know how many times someone told him that what he was doing to Larxene—or trying to do—was wrong," she continued. "But he didn't seem to care until _I _was the one who said it. And then- and then it _felt _like he was only apologizing to make me happy. He wasn't _really _sorry about Larxene—I know he wasn't!"

Honestly, she didn't expect him to _ever _be sorry about what he'd tried to do to Larxene.

"Well…" Kairi drummed her fingers against Namine's shoulder. "If you're upset about this. Tired of this. Then you need to fix it."

Namine looked at Kairi, remembering that she had to look _up. _Kairi'd grown taller by quite a bit since the last time she'd seen her, before the World that Never Was. It was going to take her a while to get used to, just like seeing Sora with that scar was. Namine swallowed, trying to drag her attention back to the actual matter at hand.

"…how do I do that?" she asked.

Kairi shrugged. "You just gotta tell him what's wrong. There's really nothing else you can do."

"And…. when he gets upset?"

"I… I don't have any advice for that."

Namine let out a long breath, and hung her head.

"Not even an offer to do it for me…?" she asked, weakly, more joking than anything else.

"Namine, I'd _love _to," Kairi said. "But it was one thing when I was just telling him not to do something incredibly dangerous and stupid—I can't tell him that there's something wrong with your relationship. He's gotta hear that from you."

"Figures…"

Kairi shifted so she was standing in front of Namine. "Hey, chin up. Look at me." She reached out, tilting Namine's head up with her fingers. Once she'd done that, and was satisfied Namine wasn't going to look back down, she grabbed Namine by both shoulders, squeezing them tightly. "You're _strong, _Namine. You are so, so, _so _strong. You can do this, alright? Deep breath… good!"

Namine waited a second, regulating her breaths until Kairi let go of her.

"I…. don't think I want to do it now, though," she said.

Kairi studied her a second, cocking he head to the side as she considered that. "Mm… I guess you don't have to do it now… _but, _the longer you put it off, the harder it's gonna be."

Namine nodded. "Maybe tomorrow," she said. "Once I've sorted out what I want to say to him."

"If you want me for moral support or anything just lemme know."

"I will…. Well… I should get going. I still need to have 7 look at this." Namine's fingers trailed over the wound absentmindedly. It still stung, just slightly, especially when her fingers brushed it.

Kairi reached out, her fingers meeting Namine's on the wound. She traced the wound with care, as if fearing hurting Namine any more. Namine bit her tongue to avoid grimacing too much with discomfort.

"I could always…?" Kairi began, but trailed off uncertainly.

Namine shook her head. "You're not that good at healing and you know it."

Kairi grimaced, but didn't deny it. After a second, she pulled her hand away. Namine smiled at her. "I'll, uh, I'll let you know," she said. She took a step back, away from Kairi, preparing to form a dark corridor.

"Ah, wait real quick," Kairi said. Namine paused. "Are you two… like… _dating?_"

Namine frowned in surprise at the question—she hadn't expected anything like it—but her shock and confusion didn't stop the color from rising in her cheeks. "Well. Uh. I- I mean." She cleared her throat. How to put it? She and Riku weren't dating in the _traditional _sense, but… "Well we… haven't done any, y'know, _dating. _Anything. But, uh…" She cleared her throat again. Her cheeks felt very hot. "I love him. And he loves me. And… I guess… I guess what that comes down to."

"Well I didn't figure you'd done any 'dating things'," Kairi said. She was giving Namine a wry look that made her turn even redder. "I just wanted to be clear on you loving him."

"I- I don't see why that- why that matters."

Kairi's wry look vanished completely. "The more you love him, the more this has gotta change, that's all—and the more you love him, unfortunately, the harder it's gonna be. Trust me. I know."

Namine swallowed. She didn't have to ask to know what Kairi was talking about.

Kairi smiled reassuringly, then. "Chin up, though! You can do it."

Namine nodded. She formed a dark corridor.

**xxx**

"Namine…"

She cringed at the sound of Riku's voice, though she regretted it the moment she did. He'd been waiting for her in Castle Oblivion. How he'd managed to predict where she'd head and make sure to be waiting not ten feet from her arrival spot was a mystery. But there he was, pushing off from the wall, heading over to her. His face was still scrunched up in that expression between pain and sorrow—an expression that, unfortunately, did look very much like a kicked puppy.

"I- I don't want to talk right now," she stammered, taking a step away from him, directing her gaze over his shoulder. If she had her sketchbook, she'd hug it to her chest. She hugged her arms to her chest instead. "I- I still need to… need to figure out what I want to say. I need some- some more time to process this. I need…"

"Can you answer one thing?"

His voice was even when he cut her off. His hands were trembling at his sides.

She studied him a long moment, though not quite directly. She couldn't stand looking at him directly for long. Finally, _slowly, _she said:

"Depends on the question."

He swallowed.

"…do you really think I'm a monster?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. _No, I don't, not really, but… But…_

"Riku... I'm- I'm _sorry, _that's not… that's not an easy question to answer…"

"So you do think I'm one!" His voice only raised slightly at the accusation—largely, he just sounded relieved to have an answer.

"I didn't say that," Namine argued. She tried to be patient as she spoke, but her voice still got louder as the words left her lips, still shook with frustration. Him jumping to conclusions like this, not giving her a chance to explain herself—especially when it was threatening his feelings—that was another to add to the list of things she was getting really tired of.

Riku's eyes narrowed. "Namine, this shouldn't be a question you have to _think _about. And if you _do _have to think about it, then that means, yes, you do think I'm a monster. You're just trying to find the kindest words to break it to me in."

"Riku—"

"Don't bother." He interrupted her with a slight shake of his head, with a raise of his hand to signal her to stop. "I don't _need _kind words. In fact, I'd _rather _you just yell at me. Go on. Say it. I'm a mons—"

"_Stop that!_" Namine shouted. She dropped her arms from her chest. She wished he'd stop looking at her like that. She wished he wasn't having this conversation. Wished she was anywhere but in this black hole of a moment.

At least her yelling disarmed him enough to give her a moment to gather her thoughts.

"I- I don't think you're a monster," she said, as firmly as she could manage. "Or… I don't _want _to believe you are. I don't, Riku! But- but sometimes…"

She took a deep breath. Took another. Had the air in this place _always _been so hard to breathe? Had the white of its walls always bugged her eyes so much? Her gaze kept trailing back to Riku, the dark clothes he was wearing a stark relief to the burning white of the rest of the Castle. Except looking at Riku just made her stomach churn…

"Sometimes?" Riku prompted. The snarl of his lips was angry. Impatient.

"It's… it's like…" she tried, but couldn't find the words.

She tore her eyes away from him, squinting so that the white walls behind him didn't hurts as much. She hugged her arms to her chest again. Her palm pressed against the wound, and she near jumped from the shock—and pain—of it.

That's when the right words hit her. She gagged at the thought of them, and the memories that came with them, but they were words he'd understand.

She wet her lips. Swallowed. "Y-y'know how… when… when I was Rewritten?" she asked. "You said- you said it was like Larxene in my body. Her voice coming out of my mouth. That's- that's what it's like with you, sometimes."

It wasn't easy to get out. The memories pounded in her head. The things she'd done when Rewritten. The things she's said to him. The snarl that formed on Riku's face when he realized what had happened, why she was acting how she was. Feeling like Larxene had been sickening enough. Having Riku nearly kill her for it was just as bad.

She swallowed again. Pressed on, though each word was like agony in her throat.

"Sometimes- sometimes you… sometimes all that comes out of you is _her. _Her- her cruelty. Her words." Namine didn't clarify that by _her _she meant _Larxene. _She didn't need to. "Sometimes the line between you and her is blurred. Sometimes I can't- I can't see if there even _is _a line separating you from a monster…"

Her heart jumped to throat as she finished speaking. She hunched her shoulders, clutching herself tighter, trying not to double over. She really _was _going to vomit—or it sure felt like she would. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. The silence that surrounded the two of them was much worse than her words. Waiting for Riku to say something.

"I…" he began, but he didn't finish.

"I need to talk to 7."

It killed her to leave it at that. To leave without letting him respond. But she couldn't bear his face anymore. Couldn't bear how his lips quivered. How it looked like she'd just shattered everything his world was about.

She couldn't bear meaning that much to him anymore.

_"The more you love him, the harder it's gonna be…"_

She turned her back on him.

"Namine! Wait!"

"_Please…_" She didn't turn around. "I need more time to sort this out. I need- I need more time to get my thoughts together, Riku, and- and I can't…"

_…can't do that with you looking at me like this._

She started walking. The walking soon became a run as he called after her again, and again, and again.


	15. Chapter 15

Namine was surprised—though quite relieved—to see Vexen sitting at the other computer in 7's room. He explained that 7 made good company, though he didn't say what he needed the company for, or even what he was busy typing up on the computer.

Namine didn't find it in her to care what he was doing, though. "Vexen, can I ask you something?"

"Mm? Oh, yes." He looked up at her, squinting a little, looking quite distracted. His eyes narrowed after a second of studying her longer. "Wait a minute. Are you hurt?"

Namine cursed under her breath and moved her hand to cover the wound. It was no use. 7 was there in seconds, tugging her hand away.

"Namine… let me see… if you're hurt—"

"It was a blast of darkness," Namine mumbled. There was no point in resisting 7.

Vexen's eyes narrowed even further. "From what?"

Namine shook her head. "That's a long story, and I have a slightly more important question for you."

"You need to get repaired first," 7 insisted.

"I'm a little more worried about the darkness having any… negative side effects on my data or whatever."

"Mm… it shouldn't—but I'll run a scan on you while you talk to Vexen. Sit."

Namine sat on the cot closest to 7. It was exhausting to argue with him—which was probably why he was so good at his job as a Medic.

"About… Riku's darkness?" Namine began.

Vexen let out a long breath.

"How much did he tell you?"

"Just that it was dangerous but you couldn't do anything to fix it," Namine said. "Kairi also mentioned it could kill him—which he _didn't _mention."

She considered mentioning what Larxene had said, too, but decided against it. She hardly knew what to say to _Riku _about the matter. Dragging Vexen into the mess would only complicate things.

"Well… it _can't _kill him, exactly," Vexen began.

"Yes it can!" 7 argued.

"It can't any time _soon,_" Vexen corrected, sending a glare at 7. "We do have a few months before it's going to reach _deadly _levels, which should be enough time for me to translate his Code into something the computers of _this _universe will recognize. Then we can fix it."

"Can't you just… take him to the other universe and install the protocols there?" Namine asked. Once she'd said it she realized the flaw in that plan. _The other universe. _Like getting Riku over there would be easy.

"I'd rather not make him go to the other universe," Vexen replied, confirming her thoughts. "It has too many bad memories—and besides, there's a chance we may not have the option to hop over there to fix his data whenever we please in the future. I'd like to be prepared for such occasion."

"You could just install the protocols and _then _worry about translating his code," 7 said. From the sounds of it, he and Vexen had been having this argument for a while.

Vexen shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Well… yes… _technically, _I could…" He cleared his throat. "But I would _still _rather avoid having to take him to the other universe if possible—and even if I didn't want to avoid that, he won't listen to _me _on the matter until it's life or death. So unless _you'd _like to talk to him about it, Namine."

She grimaced. She could hardly talk to him about anything, lately. She doubted she'd be able to convince him to go to the other universe. Or, go to the universe for something that didn't involve revenge on Larxene. Hopefully he was over revenge, now. Had leaving him alone been a good idea…?

"You never did answer how you got hurt, Namine," 7 said, interrupting her thoughts.

Namine stared for a long moment—definitely a second or two too long.

"It was a Heartless," she lied.

Neither of the Vexens looked like they believed her, but neither pressed the matter. Vexen pushed himself to his feet.

"I'm assuming Riku's been using darkness excessively, recently, yes?" he asked. "Considering you're worried about it."

Namine nodded.

"I'll go talk to him, then," Vexen said. "I need to, at the very least, talk him into letting me scan his data again. While he isn't in any immediate danger—or he _shouldn't _be—excessive use of darkness will only hasten matters…"

He left, grumbling as he went.

7 cleared his throat. "Should we do another round of Larxene data checking?" he asked. "You're clear, by the way. No damage from the blast, outside of the expected ones. Just as it should be, with the Darkness Protection Protocols installed."

That sounded like a dig at Vexen, not that Namine knew what good it did, seeing as Vexen was no longer in the room.

"Good, and yes," Namine said. "I'd like that."

She didn't expect to get any more thinking about what she was going to tell Riku done while 7 looked at her data, but she was more than eager to put off the inevitable conversation with Riku for a little longer. Vexen was going to go talk to Riku, so the matter of him being alone wasn't a problem anymore. She could wait.

"You know the drill," 7 said, flashing a smile at her. "Go on and lie down."

**xxx**

"There you are."

Riku looked up, and then had to suppress a groan at the sight of Vexen.

"What are you still doing here?" he asked. "I thought you, of all people, would've left this stupid Castle by now."

Vexen's mouth twitched. Riku couldn't tell if he was smiling or grimacing.

"I'm working on translating your Code, remember?" Vexen said. "Speaking of, Namine said you'd been using a lot of excess darkness, lately?"

Riku grunted. Quick to get to the point, as always. He thought about lying—saying no—but darkness still sparked at his fingertips, defying him. Plus, Vexen was more likely to believe Namine than him… unfortunately…

"What of it?" he asked.

"'What of it'?" Vexen scoffed. "Riku! You know fully well that too much use of it will only put you more at risk—"

"Look, don't worry about it! I don't intend to use it much more, anyway. I've got nothing to use it on…"

"Oh?"

Riku turned away from Vexen's raised eyebrows and curious tone. He didn't want to tell Vexen about Larxene—Well, maybe if he'd actually managed to _kill _Larxene. He would've told Vexen then. When he had something to show for it. But now? He didn't want to displease Vexen like he'd displeased Namine—and honestly, he wasn't sure if Vexen would be more displeased by what he'd tried to do, or the fact that he'd _failed…_

The sound of a dark corridor opening saved him from having to answer.

Riku looked up at it, a little confused, and then every muscle in his body stopped working. That was _Larxene! _How did she get here so fast? He tried to pull a little darkness to him—at least, for _defense—_but it all seemed to flee from him.

"How many Larxene Replicas are still alive?" Vexen asked, sounding completely unworried.

It was a miracle Riku could get his mouth working. "Th-th-that's not one of them," he stammered. "I-It's _her!_"

Since the darkness had failed him—again—Riku thought about throwing himself behind Vexen, using Vexen as a shield. It was cowardly, sure, but Riku didn't care. In fact, the only reason he didn't do it was because his limbs wouldn't _respond _to him.

"That's…?" Vexen began, but he didn't finish. "Why is _she _here?" he asked, instead. He sounded quite worried, now, and threw a hasty look at Riku before returning his attention to Larxene. "What did you _do?_"

"I- I may have tried to kill her…?"

"And you didn't go _through _with it!?"

"Well—"

"NEVER MIND. There isn't time." Vexen moved to stand in front of Riku, shoving Riku behind him. "Go! Get out of here!"

As much as Riku wanted to do, all he could do was stare. His mind was reeling. Panic was choking him. Larxene, here! Vexen, _helping? _But he'd never—

"I said get out of here!" Vexen repeated, when he saw that Riku hadn't moved.

"Wh- why are? Why—"

"Do you expect me to just stand here and let her find you?" Vexen looked furious, but he still kept half an eye on Larxene. "Trust me, I've had far enough of doing that. Now _go _before I shove you through a dark corridor myself!"

Panic overruled the confusion. Riku formed a dark corridor around himself.

* * *

><p><strong>AN **magik's corresponding chapter is in Remnants ch69, and she actually covers this from Vexen's POV, if you're interested in that.


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